The Cross Eyed Commentary

Back to the Basics

2011-12-07T01:37:00.000-05:00

It has been over two years since I last appeared on this blog. My life has seemingly come unraveled as of late. I can only blame myself for it. I am on a quest to get my priorities back where they belong. God must come first, my wife second, my children third, and everything else will get figured out in the process. This is a much needed process because when my life is unordered I become selfish and forget the most important things in my life.

The first step I am going to take in this process is to learn to know who God is and how my story connects with His. I am going to find all of this out by going back and questioning everything I have been taught with the goal of having an authentic faith in the end. I look forward to this but am scared at the same time.

So here I go.........

Question of the Day

2009-10-15T08:16:00.001-05:00

If you could ask God one question, with the guarantee that He would answer it, what would it be?

Share your thoughts!

Praying for Our Leaders

2009-09-07T20:05:00.003-05:00

1 Timothy 2:1-2. “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone – for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.”

I have tried not to say too much about the Obama address for tomorrow, but recent situations that I have been involved in have changed my mind. I believe that it is a disgrace the way many people are dealing with the Obama speech to the schools. Many people are in an uproar about this speech and are holding their kids out of school so that they will not have to listen to the message. Many have written their local schools and asked for it not to be shown. I believe all of this has been done out of fear and pure ignorance.

I have been among people who share the same faith background as me who think that his message is negative. They feel it is better for their kids not to have this negative influence in their life. They act as if it their 'Christian' duty to protect their kids from the "evils" of Obama, but the way they have gone about it is nothing Christ-like at all. What kind of message do we think we are sending our children when are encouraging them not to listen to the leader of our country. We are telling them inadvertently that we should only respect those who agree with us. That simply is not the message of Christ!

As a Christian I need to be praying for my leaders. As a Christian I need to teach my children about discernment. As a Christian I need to discuss with my children how to make good decisions and educate them on why other choices can be harmful to them. All of this can be accomplished without becoming hypocritical and displaying a negative attitude before our children.

I pray that each of us can actually listen to the message before passing judgment. If we can accomplish this then we can set an example for our children instead of filling their head with prejudice propaganda that does not lead to a life of holiness.

Take a minute and read the message http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks

You may be surprised that it is not so evil at all.

The Ministry of Teaching

2009-08-23T20:18:00.003-05:00

On Monday I will start my second year teaching Bible and Counseling at Harding University. This is by far the greatest job in the world! I get the opportunity everyday to talk to people about their current and future marriages. I get to discuss how to communicate and deal with conflict better. I feel it a privilege to be in this position because I have some influence on marriages and families throughout this country.

It saddens me to hear about the divorces, neglect, and pain that many families go through. I believe that if most people had the opportunity to learn some basics about how to be in a relationship with someone else then our families would be so much stronger. I know that I am not perfect, but I enjoy being able to share from my own mistakes so that others will not have to experience similar situations.

I pray that I can be an example through my own family and show people the glorious plan that God has for each of our families.

Please pray for this ministry and the lives that I come in contact with everyday.

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

2009-08-17T10:52:00.005-05:00

In their book, Getting The Love You Want, Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt encourage people never to get divorces or to break up with their long-term partners because eventually whatever issues led to the trouble in one's current relationship will surface in future relationships. It is their belief that one might as well stay and work them out in the current one.

What do you think? Is this advice that couples should be listening to or is there a better way?

She is my everything

2009-08-13T22:22:00.004-05:00

On Saturday Dana and I will celebrate 11 years of marriage. I am awestruck by this fact. This woman has been MORE than good to me. I am a pill to live with, moody, and a tad bit crazy, but she knows how to deal with me and my many flaws.

I do not deserve her at all. I feel it a privilege to be able to call her my best friend and wife. I know that God has blessed me with a special wife and I try everyday to be a good spiritual leader, husband, and friend to her.

It always kills me to hear other men talk bad about their wives. "She nags" "She's spoiled" "She spends all my money" The list goes on. I do not have anything negative to say about my wife because she is someone I look up to. She is spiritual, funny, intelligent, a great mother, AWESOME cook, a great encourager, patient...really patient and as beautiful as she can be. I am thankful that God has put her in my life.

I love her deeply and pray that our next 11 years together are even better than the first!

The Generics

2009-07-22T23:59:00.005-05:00

So are you planning a Men's Retreat? Gospel Meeting? Lectureship? Marriage Seminar? As you envision the perfect event several big named people come into mind: Patrick Mead, Rubel Shelly, Mike Cope, Randy Harris...The list goes on. You want a name that people recognize and that will draw crowds. The only problem is that these guys are booked for the next 5 years and flying them in can get expensive. Never fear we have a solution!

We are the Generics. We are a group of guys who no one has heard of, with decent qualifications, and an open calendar. We specialize in ANY topic. You heard me right, ANY topic. We believe that the internet is a tool that needs to be used more in ministry. We know how to do the research (Google, SermonCentral.com, etc.) and our unique delivery styles can never be matched (trust me).

Let me introduce our team:

On the far left (and I do mean the far left) we have Ken Finzer. He is originally from Ohio but now resides in Mississippi. His main emphasis is in worship, budget, and prison ministry.
He received his practical experience from spending some time in prison for money laundering. He found the Lord behind bars and has been singing His praises since that time. He is currently writing a book entitled "Do Not Pass Go: When Monopoly Is No Longer A Game."

In the "middle" we have Michael Jones. He is originally from TN but currently resides in AR. His main emphasis is in counseling, youth, and racial reconciliation ministry. He has taken classes at several prestigious universities, but has not managed to graduate from any of them. We believe this helps him keep his view of diversity. He has been fired by only two churches in his 13 years of ministry. He is currently working on a book entitled "What Not To Do In Ministry: A Short History of Michael Jones' Resume" His winning smile and humor will be an added benefit to any event.

On the EXTREME right we have Benjiman Kirven. He is originally from OH but now resides in Virginia Beach, VA. His main emphasis is on involvement and pulpit ministry. He is the most sound of our group. He does most of his messages directly from the KJV only. He has it memorized (thus sayeth the Lord). He has been fighting against the slippery slope of eating in the church building and using multiple cups during Communion for years. His new book "Being Silent Where The Bible Is Silent Is Difficult When You Have Much To Say" will be hitting the shelves this Fall.

So you see we have you covered! Regardless of the event, topic, doctrine, or tradition, we have someone who can take care of your needs. We are low maintenance, under trained, and cheap.

See what others have said about us:

"Not bad. That is all I have to say..not bad, but not real good" (Anonymous)

"Patrick Mead got sick at the last minute and we had no idea what to do. The Generics came in and took care of us. Honestly I had heard the illustrations before, but at least we did not have to cancel the event" (Anonymous)

"I have heard all the big name speakers out there. We really wanted Randy Harris, but it was hard to book him. The Generics are no Randy Harris, but they kept the audience awake" (Anonymous)

"I hate to use golfing terminology, but these guys were a bogey. In my book a bogey is better than a triple bogey any day." (Anonymous)

Don't wait call now!

And remember....
"When Decent Is All You Can Afford, Think Generics!"

Why Did I Get Married (Part Three)

2009-05-11T09:36:00.008-05:00

What does a contract marriage look like? Contract marriage bases the security and stability of the marriage on the ability of people not to sin. As long as neither one of us mess up then we can stay together, but once someone sins then it is time for a divorce. I would compare this relationship to my contract that I currently have with AT & T. They both have three characteristics in common:

1)Made for a limited period of time
I signed a two year contract with my cell phone company. During this two year period we are STUCK together. If I decided to leave then there are steep penalties that must be paid. In a contract marriage we look at the relationship from a short-term perspective. I will stay with you only until something better comes along.

There are now places considering a seven year marriage. In this relationship you cannot divorce unless their is sexual immorality or spousal abuse. Outside these two 'deal breakers' you are bound to your spouse for seven years. Once the seven years is up you have the choice to sign a new contract or go on your separate ways. Some say this is the way to go, but I do not believe this is what God intended marriage to look like.

2) Each party is bound to specific responsibilities
With my cell phone company I am responsible for paying my bill every month. If I choose not to pay it then they will discontinue my service. When I am paying my bill they are bound to providing service for me. These responsibilities are outlined in very small print on the contract that was given to me. It is my responsibility to know what is expected of me because AT & T will hold me to it even if I do not read the fine print.

In a contract marriage both spouses are expecting certain things from each other (communication, companionship, intimacy, etc.) What happens when one spouse does not 'keep up their end of the deal'? Do I have the right to divorce them because they have broken the contract? I would surely hope not! Each of us daily do not live up to the expectations of our spouse. There will be times when we are not as kind or forgiving as the other one is expecting. Do we just call it quits when this happens or should we actually try to work through our problems?

3) Entered into for one’s own benefit
I don't send money to AT & T every month because I am in love with the company. I pay them money because I am getting a good deal. Once I feel like I am not getting a good deal anymore then I am going to start looking for another company to handle my phone calls. In a contract marriage each spouse is looking out for their own needs. Once my needs are not being met then it is time to find someone else who can do that for me. This is nothing short of being selfish!

I can imagine someone reading this thinking 'What is the big deal?! Isn't it my own business how I approach my marriage?' The answer to that question is a resounding 'Yes' but if I claim to be a Christian then I must view my marriage as something much different than a contract. The contract seems to be appealing to most, but it does not lead to commitment.

So where do we go next? I believe we must next take a look at the implications of a covenant marriage and the benefits we can gain from it.

Why Did I Get Married? (Part Two)

2009-05-05T17:10:00.004-05:00

So what makes a Christian marriage different from other marriages? I have heard the following answers "Two Christians who love God" "Couple that goes to church together" "We read our Bible together and pray regularly" I believe those are great attributes to have in a relationship, but is that all that makes us different? The reason that this question is important is that Christians are getting divorced just a quick as those who do not follow God. Why is that? If my neighbor is not a Christian and my marriage looks no different than theirs then there is something wrong with my marriage.

There is a concept that is presented several times throughout Scripture that embodies what God wants for each of our marriages. This concept is called 'covenant'. Covenant can be described as an official acknowledgement of God's promises to man and man's intent to accept and be obedient to God's promises and commandments. There are several Scripture throughout the Bible that discusses covenant.

In Genesis 9:8-17, God makes a covenant through and with Noah that He would never again flood the Earth. In this covenant God makes a permanent promise to man that He would not break regardless of what they did. God does not ask man to do anything but accept the covenant. We can have confidence that the world will not be destroyed by water because of the trust we have in the promises of God.

In Genesis 12:1-7 we see God calling Abram to "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." God promises to make Him into a great nation and to bless his name. Abram's part of this covenant was to simply leave and follow God. The passage does not tell of Abram's relationship with God prior to this point, but Abram does this and God blesses him. Once again confidence is a part of this relationship because of the trust that was present.

Imagine a relationship where two people trusted each other and God enough that they make a promise to stay together forever. Some would say that doesn't make sense. This type of relationship could be too risky because the other person may change their mind or not do their part. What would you do then? I am convinced that a marriage based on covenant would tend to outlast any other type of marriage because the focus is put on God and working toward keeping your promise. If I am basing the security of my marriage on the ability of my partner not to sin or mess up then I have a relationship that is a contract.

Tomorrow I want to discuss what a contract marriage looks like and how it is not something that no one should desire.

Why Did I Get Married? (Part One)

2009-05-04T12:02:00.005-05:00

In 2007, the great Tyler Perry wrote and produced a movie called Why Did I Get Married? This movie follows the story of four couples and the relationship issues that they are going through. This film gives a realistic viewpoint on the problems of married life and how we can sometimes grow apart. If you have not seen the movie it is worth the rental fee. It is PG-13 so go to www.screenit.com to get a complete review before you rent it.

I believe this is a great question for all married people to consider, why did you get married? When I do premarital counseling I always ask the couples this question. The responses are usually predictable, but always funny. "I love her" "He completes me" "It just feels right" "She is cute" "He makes me happy" The reasons go on and on! These reason are not necessarily wrong, but I believe there are many others factors that should come into play.

This month I am conducting a marriage seminar in North Little Rock, AR at the Lynch Road Church of Christ. We will be answering the same question, why did I get married? There will be five areas of concern that we will look at in order to answer this question:
1) To Have a Distinctively Christian Marriage
2) To Live in Submission to God
3) To Communicate My Needs
4) To Live in Peace
5) To Share Intimacy With My Spouse

I will be blogging about each of these topics during the month of May.

I hope you will join me on Tuesday when I will begin discussing what makes a Christian marriage distinctively different.

Picking Up Where I Left Off

2009-05-02T21:47:00.002-05:00

I passionately enjoyed blogging for the first year that I began. Life caught up with me and I let it slip away. I noticed that while I was blogging I was able to get a bunch of stuff off of my chest. Well it has been over a year since I have been active on here.

Starting Monday I am going to get back to my old self and put some of my observations on life on here.

I hope you are ready for the ride because I have so much to share!!!!

See you on Monday!

My Poor Neglected Blog

2008-09-13T22:59:00.003-05:00

I have been so busy with life that I have not been here in a bit. I will share one thought with you with the hope of returning here next week.

It seems that the residents of Arkansas were given an important choice at birth: tattoos or teeth. It seems that majority have chosen tattoos because teeth seem optional.

I Need To Slow Down

2008-08-22T11:53:00.001-05:00

Wow what a week! The past 10 days have been nothing but a blur. Here are a few things we have been up to.

Last Friday Dana and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. The Lord has been more than good to me by giving her to me. We have had many good and bad times together and the Lord continues to bless. Dana has literally followed me around the world in support of me being in ministry. This has not always been easy. We have found ourselves in places and situations that have challenged our marriage. There have been times where it would have been easier to just give up, but we continued to fight on because our marriage was worth it. I do not know where I would be today without the love and support that Dana provides me. She is my friend, lover, and encourager. I thank God for her immensely. I only pray that those who are reading this will be blessed enough to find a spouse like her. I think I will keep her for another 50 years or so.

This past Sunday we attended Holmes Road Church of Christ in Memphis, TN. I previously worked there and we went back to see some good friends. Cameron Holland is the youth minister there and he preached Sunday morning. I must admit that he literally had me in tears as he taught about love and forgiveness in 1 Corinthians 13. It has been an extremely long time since I had a sermon move me emotionally like that. I must admit that I was prepared for “just another” sermon on love because the passage was so familiar, but I was floored by the way he preached from his heart. THANKS CAMERON! You blessed us all by your words and transparency.

This past Monday my baby girl, Mikayla, started preschool. She has been at home with Dana for the past 4 years. She could have stayed home again this year, but the child is a Jones and needs social interaction. It KILLED me to go to the open house because I knew that my little girl was now BIG. The influence that Dana and I have on her will now be challenged by the things she will pick up daily at preschool. I know that every child goes through this process eventually, but it does not make it any easier. I want her to be her protector and her only influence! I know this is not realistic or possible but it does not change my feelings. It is just really hard to trust someone else with the special gift we were given from God.

Well this is just a little peek into our lives this past week. Next time I will talk about my orientation and first week at Harding. God bless you.

Thank the Lord

2008-08-14T16:19:00.002-05:00

We are now officially homeless! Our house went through settlement today and we no longer have a residence in PA. That was our first home sale and it went pretty smooth if you ask me. Thanks to all of you who have been praying about this. I will be posting an update on our family in the next couple of days.

Safe Arrival

2008-08-07T23:42:00.001-05:00

We made it to Searcy, AR safely on Wednesday afternoon. We are still digging through boxes in an attempt to get settled here. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us.

On The Road Again

2008-08-04T20:16:00.002-05:00

We are in the middle of our move to Searcy, AR. We left on Sunday and hope to be there on Wednesday. Please be praying for us during this transition.

What Would Your Card Say?

2008-07-27T21:36:00.004-05:00

Powerful video. A definite must see.

A Busy Birthday

2008-07-24T20:12:00.003-05:00

I turned 32 today, but have not been able to slow down and enjoy it. We are t-minus 10 days from moving to Searcy, AR. It would be nice to say that we are just about packed and ready to go, but that would be a lie. We have been doing some last minute things around the house to complete the sale that have taken more time that we thought. Who knew getting one window replaced could be such a hassle?

It is finally sinking in that we are moving once again. For those of you who know us well you know that we have moved SEVERAL times since we have been married. Some of the moves had to do with changing my emphasis in ministry, being close to family, or simply because it was just time to go. This time is a little different. I feel it a great call and ministry to be able to teach at a Christian university. These opportunities are rare and I feel blessed that this door has been opened.

Even when you get a chance to leave for a good opportunity there are a share of burdens that come with it. We will need to find a new church, new friends, get to know a new neighborhood, start new jobs, and re-adjust to Southern culture. Each of these changes are exciting, but bring anxiety along with it because it means that change has occurred. I am used to the starting over somewhat, but it is beginning to take its toll on me, because we keep making EXCELLENT friends along the way and then leaving.

Some people think that we enjoy moving all the time, but that is not the case at all. I took it for granted that I lived in the same home for 18 years while growing up. So moving has not always bothered me that much. Dana, however, moved several times while growing up so moving equals instability to her. I also keep in mind that Ms. Mikayla will have lived in four states (OH, TN, PA, and AR) in her short four years of life. The child needs a home. I pray that we make Searcy her home for the next 20 years or so.

I think I have finished rambling now. Please keep our family in your prayers as we move and transition to another phase of this blessed life.

Facebook

2008-07-05T19:45:00.003-05:00

I finally gave in and joined the world of Facebook. I have reconnected with so many old friends. Hope to see some of you from the blogosphere there also. Have a blessed day.

Inept

2008-07-03T10:11:00.004-05:00

Inept: Without skill or aptitude for a particular task or assignment (Dictionary.com)

I have been a mental health and substance abuse counselor for six years now. I enjoy what I do because it is one career where you can directly see change in the life of another person. My training, along with my compassion and spiritual gifts, helps me to connect with people on a deep level so that I am able to discuss topics with them that they have never shared with others. There have been many occasions when I finished talking with a client that I felt that I brought clarity to their life and I promoted positive change. Those are the days that I really enjoy and look forward to, however this is not always the case.

Today was one of those days where I wished that I did not even get up and talk to my clients. Obviously, due to the confidentiality I hold to my clients, I cannot be specific about the situations that I encounter, but they affect me nonetheless. One situation I faced today made me literally want to cry. As I sat there and listened to some secrets that one of my clients held it physically hurt me to listen. I did not know what to say. I wondered why do people suffer and go through horrible situations such as these. I felt absolutely useless as their helper. There were no scripts prepared for this situation. It was not something that I was taught how to handle and yet I sat there feeling utterly inept. I know that it is not my job to fix people but who in the world can help them. Medication is not always the answer. Therapy does not always fix it either. I know this is a situation that only God can bring healing to.

So what do I do with these feelings of inadequacy? I know they will fade as they always do, but this is where I am right now. I pray for peace from God because He is the only one who can make sense of this fallen world and all of its casualties.

Just A Matter of Time

2008-07-02T20:50:00.002-05:00

I just noticed that I have not blogged in about a month. I have had so many things to say, but have not had the time to stop and express my thoughts. We are about one month away from our move to Searcy, AR. I am excited about the many opportunities that lay ahead, but am so inundated with the details of our move that I have not been able to truly appreciate what we are headed into.

We have had a few hurdles to overcome the past couple of weeks. Dana has not yet been able to secure employment so far. I do not blame her at all because she is a smart woman with many talents to share. I grieve with her over the situation because she has dedicated herself to being at home with the girls the past few years, but this has not helped her resume. Employers do not always give you credit for putting your family first. I am a little concerned about how this will affect us down there, but definitely not worried because God has ALWAYS taken care of my family and I am confident that He will continue to do so.

We are in the process of selling our house and this is not fun at all. I had no idea how much work it would be to get our house ready to show, and show and show again. Even when you get through all of that drama you still have to play the negotiation game with the buyers. It is our prayer that this part of our life comes to an end quickly. I most definitely don't want to be on the selling end again for at least another 10 years or so.

Overall God continues to be good to us. He continues to remind us that we need to depend on Him even though we do not understand His plans for us. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb. 11:1, NIV). I am certain and confident that this move will be a blessing for my family. Although we do not have everything neatly organized the way we want it I know that God is working out great things for us even if it has not materialized. I pray that each of you trust God today as His will is being played out in your life.

Unexpected Blessing

2008-05-28T11:07:00.006-05:00

I have been unable to update my blog for the past 2-3 weeks due to an overwhelmingly busy schedule. God has put before my family some awesome opportunities that have kept our minds occupied.

Roughly 2-3 weeks ago I was offered a position to teach on the Bible faculty at Harding University in Searcy, AR. Teaching on the college level has been a dream of mine for several years, but I figured I would be in my 40's and finished with my doctorate before that would be a possibility. Who knew that God had different plans for me?

This decision would not be easy to make because it would mean: 1) Dana would have to return full time work outside of the home and 2) Leaving our congregation that I have only been the minister for almost 2 years. She has really enjoyed being home with the girls and has been a great blessing to them by being at home. We also feel that we have seen some good spiritual growth in the congregation here. Why can't these type of decisions be easy?

We have prayed so much about this decision and have been seeking the counsel of many close friends. After MUCH prayer and direction we have decided to make the move in August. It is very exciting, but will require much change on our part in such a short time period.

Our summer will go as follows: 1) Dana finding a job teaching, 2) Finding childcare for our girls, 3) Preparing our house to sell, 4) Selling our house, 5) Finding a place to live, 6) Preparing for my fall classes, and 7) Actually moving down there. This should be easy right!?

I will be teaching two sections of 'Christian Home'. This class will focus on how to prepare for marriage, mate selection, raising children, and integrating spirituality into this process. I will also be teaching two sections of 'Christian Counseling'. This class will focus on teaching counseling skills to those individuals who will work in the church.

Words cannot express the overwhelming feeling of God at work in our lives. It is awesome to see how He blesses His children even though none of us deserve it. Please pray for our family, the congregation here, and for the work at Harding.

An Excellent Mother

2008-05-10T11:16:00.006-05:00

Mother's Day is Sunday and I wanted to talk about my mother: Thelma Jones.

My mom has always been dedicated to her children. She would go YEARS without buying new things for herself just to make sure that her three crazy boys were taken care of. She was never harsh or mean, but we knew our boundaries with our mother. She never had to threaten us because we ALWAYS respected her. She was, and continues to this day, a hard worker. We never heard her complain or moan even when she had more than a right to do so.

My mother is a godly woman. There has never been a time that I have heard a foul word come from her mouth. She made sure we learned the Bible and kept on us to live out our faith. She gives to anyone who has a need even though she does not have a lot to give.

I must admit I have her sense of humor. I do not want to embarrass her by giving some examples so I will just say that she is a practical joker and a good one at that.

She is a great wife to my dad. She has always supported him and stood by his side. Her dedication to their marriage has always inspired me. She created an excellent template for a Christian woman and that is what I used when looking for my wife.

I love my mom very much because she is a good friend, loves to listen, and gives loving advice even when her kids do some crazy stuff.

I remember in Kindergarten we had an opportunity to make a gift for our mothers and we could make any craft we wanted. For some reason most of the kids in class made ashtrays out of clay for their moms. My mother didn't smoke, but I made her an ashtray anyway. She loved it and was proud of my work.

These are just a FEW of the many reasons I feel blessed to have my mother.

Growing Up Too Quick

2008-04-20T12:58:00.007-05:00

This week we were blessed to have family come in from TN and Ohio to celebrate the girls' birthdays. We had a full house all week, but it was well worth it to be around our loved ones.
Emily turned 1 on the 18th and Mikayla turned 4 on the 19th.

My girls need to stop growing! It just seems like yesterday that we brought them home, and they just keep getting bigger.

Mikayla officially moved into a booster seat in the car. She got her first pair of rollerskates and fishing pole. She is ready to take on the sidewalk and any fish that comes into her path. This means she is officially a big girl, but she will always be my baby.

Emily has five teeth now and is walking all over the place. She is as stubborn as she can be and I wouldn't change it for the world. She devoured her cupcake on her birthday. She destroyed it like it was her enemy. It is so neat to see her experience new things and have her many "firsts."

I want to just freeze them in time because they change so much. I know that is wishful thinking, but it doesn't change my dream. I want them to be good girls when they grow up. I want them to love the Lord. I want them to dream big and live a happy life. I know that they will face disappointments and be let down, but what an adventure they have in store for them!

Sing it Sister!

2008-04-14T08:42:00.005-05:00

Oh to have the faith of a little child!

Idol Gives Lip Service

2008-04-10T08:05:00.005-05:00

Dana and I were watching American Idol for the first time this season last night. I am always interested in the songs and performers that come on for their annual 'Idol Gives Back' show. I think it is great what they do for the poor and needy.

The closing song last night was 'Shout to the Lord." This is my all time favorite song! I was excited when it was announced because they have never purposely performed any Christian songs as a group. Well my joy faded quickly. The lyrics were changed from 'my Jesus my Savior' to simply 'my shepherd.' To the non-Christian viewer this change was probably not noticed at all, but as a believer I thought it was distasteful. I know that Jesus and Christianity are not cool or politically correct to talk about, but don't use a song speaking specifically about Jesus and change the lyrics to make the song 'inspirational.' Jesus has always been and will always be inspirational!

I know that I should probably just be glad that the song was on there at all, but something about the whole thing was just wrong in my book. What do you think?

Labor of Love

2008-04-06T20:43:00.005-05:00

On March 23rd Dana celebrated her 31st birthday. I wanted to do something special for her and decided on making her a cake. It was Dana's job to pick out the type of cake she wanted and the icing flavor. She wanted a double-layer, red velvet, cake with cream cheese icing.

There was a time in my life where I boasted about my cooking skills. I would compete in contests and usually win. I was even bold enough to cook for girls when I dated them so that they knew I was a winner. Well I am saddened to say that my cooking skills have faded away over the past ten years of marriage because I don't do any of the cooking. (I know I know I should probably cook more but you are missing the point.)

I baked the cake in two round pans, but noticed that the bottom of each was a little bit "overdone." I was not going to let this stop me. I used to watch a show called Ace of Cakes where they would cut the bottom or top off of a cake for decorative purposes. Well I attempted to do the same thing to salvage Project Birthday Cake. Well this did not go so well. I ended up using the icing as a type of cake putty to stick the two cakes together. I wanted to show my creative side, but the cake ended up looking like an igloo. Dana still enjoyed it and that is all that counts.

Oh the things we do when we are in love.

Watch Out!!!

2008-04-05T19:19:00.000-05:00

One more to go Tigers!

Putting On a Show

2008-04-03T13:45:00.005-05:00

Lord I gather together each Sunday with other believers and spend time in worship of you. Although I come with the best of intentions there are times when I am overwhelmingly fake. I can speak of my week as if it was the best in the world. I don't share my problems, pains, or worries. I am afraid to do this because others would realize that I am messed up just like them. It is easier to put on the face of "having it together" than to be authentic and admit my faults.

For this reason I ask your forgiveness

I am tempted to share my shortcomings with others, but not sure how to do it because of the fear of rejection. The role of minister is extremely public and many have unrealistic expectations of me. It seems many want me to live up to standards that they lack themselves. If I have a bad day then I am being "defensive." If I disagree with someone then I am being "stubborn." If I want to try something new then that makes me "liberal." I feel that I do not have the freedom to speak my heart and that is really killing me.

Lord I pray that from this day forward I will not be concerned about what others think of me. Help me to be only concerned about how you view me and my actions because really that is all that matters in the long run. Help me to be authentic in all my relationships regardless of the cost or discomfort it may bring me. I know that this is the only path that will bring me the freedom that I truly desire.

I also pray for the wisdom to make the right decisions and discern where you are leading me spiritually. I know that if I follow you then I will never go wrong.

Thank you so much for the wife you have sent me. She is my greatest encourager and friend. I thank you also for my children who remind me of the love you have for me and my need for patience. I thank you also for the friends and family who you have put into my life. They have been there as I have fallen, encouraged me to get up, and hold me accountable in my responsibility of following you.

It is in the blessed name of Jesus that I send this prayer to you.

The Prayer of Jesus in John 17:1-5

2008-03-20T23:11:00.003-05:00

This week I read an article called 'The High Priestly Prayer of Jesus' that is found in John 17:1-5. The author, Bob Deffinbaugh , Th.M., took a somewhat exegetical look at this passage with the purpose of identifying eight observations about this prayer that were significant to him. The article was interesting due to some new concepts that the author presented. I would like to respond to a few points that he made.

One of the first points that Deffinbaugh makes is that prayer should be conversation. He showed how Jesus' prayer to the Father was a normal part of His conversation and not a separate, disconnected thought. Many prayers that I have heard or given in the past have been extremely formal because of the desire to show reverence to God. The odd thing about it is that I do not speak to my earthly father in the same way that I speak to my Heavenly Father. This is a difficult transition to make but has proved to be beneficial. Bringing together this disconnect will be important in helping people develop a closer relationship and intimacy to God.

Deffinbaugh recognized " prayer is closely related to teaching and preaching." We see pictures of Jesus throughout the gospels active in teaching and preaching, but always finding time for prayer. He kept His focus on the most important thing in the world and this is being in contact with His Father. How many endeavors do churches approach without first communicating with God? There can be a tendency at times to come up with plans and then expect God to bless the plans. Jesus left the model of seeking the wisdom of the Father first before attempting to minister. This allows for God power to be shown and His will to be completed. If the link between prayer and ministry is broken then the success of that ministry is left up to chance.

He also leaves a powerful reminder "there is no one style of prayer, and not even one consistent posture for prayer. What is consistent is our Lord's submission to the will of His Father, and His constant desire to bring glory to the Father." How easy that is to forget. The job of the Christian is to communicate with God in prayer, follow what he has heard, and do everything to God's glory. If this process is followed we will never be in the dark about what it is that God wants us to do. We will know if we listen.

Jesus truly is our High Priest. He has set an example through this and other prayers of what initmacy with God looks like. He wants us to know the Father like He knows Him. He wants us to trust Him even if it means death. He wants us to depend on Him even though our common sense tells us otherwise. He wants us to share in ministry, but only after communicating with the Father. He wants us to experience prayer as a conversation with a loving God who is listening and active. This practice will produce a legion of believers who will be equiqqed to not only convert others to Christ, but also make other disciples as the Great Commission calls for.

Final Four Picks

2008-03-19T21:12:00.003-05:00

Well I got 5 million dollars riding on my picks this year.

Here they go!

Tennessee vs. Georgetown
Memphis vs. UCLA

Memphis vs. Tennessee

Memphis 77 Tennessee 69

Some of you know my deep love for U.T. sports, but it is time for Memphis to bring it home!

A Conversation With Emily

2008-03-10T14:19:00.004-05:00

Today on The Cross Eyed Commentary will be speaking to Emily Jones. She is the child actress with the hit t.v. show 'Potty Time.' She is the daughter of Mike and Dana Jones and resides in Pennsylvania. Due to her age we had to bring in a special interpreter so that she could tell her story.

Mike: So Emily tell us about yourself.

Emily: Well I am about 2 feet 6 inches tall and weigh about 15 lbs. I am an Aries which means that I am independent, generous, optimistic, moody, and impulsive.

M: How old are you?

E: I am currently 10 months old, but will have my first birthday on April 18th.

M: Are you looking forward to your first birthday?

E: Not really. I think birthdays are overrated. I would rather party the other 364 days in the year instead of just one.

M: There are rumors out there that you don't change your own diaper is that true?

E: That is a personal topic and I will not answer that question.

M: Sorry about that. Will you please comment on the teeth you recently acquired?

E: Certainly! Most babies only wait a few months to get their teeth, but I wasn't ready till last week. So I decided to get three in at the same time.

M: Wow! Was that painful?

E: (sarcastically) What do you think?

M: Sorry I was just curious. Well tell me a little about your family.

E: Well my mom stays home with me everyday and watches my every move. She is pretty easy to entertain. All I have to say is 'Momma' and I have her attention. She has not caught on yet, but that will be our secret. I also have a crazy father who is a preacher and a mental health therapist. Many people do not know this, but my mother writes his sermons for him.

M: Really?!

E: Oh yes! She is usually done with them by Thursday afternoon and then he just practices them until Saturday night.

M: He must be lucky to have her as a wife.

E: You don't know the half of it man. Let me tell you about my big sister Mikayla. She is one class act. She plays with me all the time. She sings to me when I cry and loves to wake me up in the morning so that I will not oversleep. You cannot find a cooler sister than her.

M: Sounds like you have a great family. I have one last question before I finish. You're fans are just dying to know. Which do you prefer: the bottle or a sippy cup?

E: I'm offended you would even ask me that question. Sippy cup hands down. They are nicer on your gums and much more festive than a bottle.

M: Well thanks so much for spending some time with me today Emily answering these questions.

E: No problem. By the way where is my mom? She needs to come get me I still can't walk yet.

Free Man or a Sovereign God?

2008-03-08T17:38:00.003-05:00

In order to approach this topic it is necessary to first define freedom. Freedom is the "exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc." When it comes to man's freedom in relation to God power and sovereignty, we have the right to choose our actions with the knowledge that God will allow us to carry out our desires. The writer uses the term 'allow' because God is in control of everything.

Proverbs 16:9 says that "the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."
Although God has the power to control our actions He gives us the ability to act on our own behalf or choose to have Him be our guide. These two ideas, man's free will and God's sovereignty, are not opposing viewpoints. They are meant to work together. God proclaims that He can use a bad situation created by man and convert it into something that glorifies Him. This action is seen repeatedly throughout Scripture.

Pelagius and Augustine approach the topics of original sin, freedom of choice, and other issues from competing points of view. Let's look at these issues in the chart below to gain some clarity and discuss if they line up with Scripture.

Pelagius	Augustine
Creation of Adam: Adam was created free of sin, in a mortal body, and having a free will.	Creation of Adam: Adam was created free of sin, in an immortal body, and having a free will.
The Fall of Man: When Adam fell it affected him and no one else. It brought spiritual death not physical.	The Fall of Man: When Adam fell it brought physical and spiritual death to all.
The Birth of All Men Who Follow Adam: Men come in like Adam before the Fall (innocent, mortal, free will) They enter into sin by free choice	The Birth of All Men Who Follow Adam: We are like Adam after the Fall. No longer innocent, become mortal, and with a corrupt nature. We don't have a choice but to sin. Our sin begins at conception.

Scripture seems to agree with Augustine in the areas of the Creation of Adam and the Fall of Man. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Man then had the choice of following after God or doing whatever pleased them. This remains true even to this day. There was no sin in the Garden of Eden until Eve ate the Forbidden Fruit. It appears that it was God's intention for man to live forever because there was a tree in the Garden that gave eternal life. He gave them permission to eat of every tree, but eventually bans them from the Garden so that they could not access this tree. This supports Augstine's view of man's immortal body, without sin, and having a free will.

The wages of sin is death. Once sin was committed it changed everything in the world that God designed. Man would now have to work instead of God providing for them. Man would now die because they did not access the tree of life. Man would now experience pain and suffering. Man would also be affected by their own sin and the sins of others. Man would also experience war and violence even though God created us to live in peace with one another. These among many other reasons are how sin has caused us to have a disconnected relationship with God. Two questions still remain: How does man become holy? At what point does our sin affect our relationship with God?

In reference to the two above questions, Pelagius and Augustine both understood part of the truth. Man is born innocent with a bent towards sin. This means that initially we do not sin because we do not have the ability to understand the difference between right and wrong. We conduct ourselves according to the rules and regulations that we have been taught. Depending on the culture we come from our actions can vary significantly. There is a point, however, when we have the ability to choose to do either the right or wrong thing. When we purposely choose to do what is wrong instead of what is right we then take on the sin of Adam. "Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness." The Scripture seems to support Pelagius' view that we sin by free choice, but as Augustine thought, we have a corrupt nature. These two views are not necessarily exclusive of each other.

The thoughts of Pelagius and Augustine are still debated today. Regardless of which one you tend to follow it is important to remember that no one has the ability to be holy without the love of our Father God, the death of Jesus on the cross, and the active work of the Holy Spirit in our lives everyday.

freedom. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/freedom (accessed: February 13, 2008).

² Romans 8:28.

³ Genesis 1:31.

⁴Genesis 3:22
⁵Romans 6:23.

⁶ I John 3:4

Preparing for Marriage

2008-02-28T13:26:00.006-05:00

The following statistics are from the Life Innovations Group:

• Premarital preparation can reduce divorce rate by 30%. (Stanley, Amato, Johnson & Markman,2006)

• Couples who participate in a premarital program significantly increased their
couple satisfaction. In a recent outcome study, couples improved in 10 out of 13
relationship categories. (Knutson & Olson, 2003)

It has been my practice for several years now that I will not marry anyone unless they had received premarital counseling. I have received some flack for this decision, but am thoroughly convinced that wavering in this area will not benefit anyone.

I have repeatedly seen couples rush into marriage because they "love" each other, but will not take the time to have some prepatory counseling. I do not understand why so much time is spent planning that one day when little effort is put out to secure a marriage that is supposed to last a lifetime.

We quickly forget that marriage, although a spiritual ceremony, is also a legal matter. Judges have been performing weddings for years and always will. You can even go out to Vegas to have Elvis to marry you if you so choose. I say this because having a marriage in a church is not a right, but a priviledge. If this is the case then the church or minister should have the right to make stipulations when it comes to whether or not couples can be married there.

The most important aspect we should never forget is that marriage is serious matter. Outside of becoming a Christian it is the most important decision anyone can make. If it is that important shouldn't we take the time to prepare for it properly so that we give our marriages a chance to make it?

Benefits of Marriage

2008-02-27T14:45:00.006-05:00

Life Innovations, the creator of the Prepare/Enrich curriculum, has just released some interesting Marriage and Family Facts that they have found from their research.

I want to share some today about the benefits of marriage and look at more of this information later this week.

Benefits of Marriage

• Married people live longer than unmarried or divorced people. Nonmarried women have 50% higher mortality rates than married women and nonmarried men have a 250% higher rate than married men. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)

• Married people are happier than single, widowed, or cohabiting people. About 40% of married people report being very happy with their lives, whereas only 18% of divorced people, 15% of separated people, and only 22% of widowed and 22% of cohabiting people report being very happy. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)

• Married people have more sex and a better quality sexual relationship than do single, divorced or cohabiting individuals. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)

• Married people are more successful in their careers, earn more, and have more wealth than single, divorced or cohabiting individuals. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Antonovics & Town, 2004)

• Children from homes where the parents are married tend to be more academically successful, more emotionally stable, and more often assume leadership roles. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Manning & Lamb, 2003)

• Adolescents living with their biological parents are less likely to have sexual intercourse. (Pearson, Frisco, 2006; Sieving, Eisenberg, Pettingell, & Skay, 2006)

• Adolescents living with both biological parents exhibit lower levels of problem behavior than peers from any other family type. (Carlson, 2006)

• Males whose parents never married are significantly less likely to marry and more
likely to cheat on their romantic partners. (Colman & Widon, 2004)

There is so much talk about marriages being in trouble that I had to share some positive aspects for us to think about. Now I am not suggesting that you should get married just because the statistics are favorable for being married, but there are too many benefits that some are missing out on because they do not stick with their marriage vows. I am a firm believer that if each person approaches marriage seriously and prayerfully then the results from it would be overwhelmingly positive.

There is constantly debate on how we can make our communitives more positive. I believe the answer is found in couples staying committed to and working on their marriages so that their children will be given a good example to follow. This is one area that each of us can improve in.

My New Baby

2008-02-26T15:26:00.004-05:00

She has finally arrived! I bought my first guitar last week and she came in yesterday. I am the new owner of a Martin DX1 Acoustic Dreadnought guitar. I have wanted to play guitar for years and finally saved up enough to get one I could enjoy for years.

When I was 16 years old I bought the MTV Unplugged edition of Eric Clapton on c.d. I listened to it over and over again. I was amazed at his playing ability and have been a fan since. I knew that he was a great musician, but had no idea at that time he was a legend. That experience has fueled my passion to learn.

At this point I am doing video lessons and have the sore fingers to prove it. I do realize that I will never be a Clapton, but am content to have some fun and hopefully have a hobby that will keep my attention for years to come.

If any of you out there play let me know. I can always use some pointers.

Answered Prayer

2008-02-16T12:06:00.002-05:00

Since coming to the Lebanon Valley Church of Christ in September of 2006, one of the goals was to have an eldership in place at the congregation. It has been approximately 7 years since we have had elders at our congregation. For several months we have been praying and teaching on the topic to prepare the congregation for the eventual transition back into having spiritual leadership in the church. I am excited to report that we will be installing three elders on Easter Sunday this year. I want to thank each of you out there for your prayers and concern for this process.

Sunday ReCap (Week Four)

2008-02-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday I continued the series entitled Closer. This week I looked at God's attribute of patience.

Patience is one of those goals that many people strive for, but never grasp. I know that I "try" to be patient, but come up short most of the time.

If I were to summarize the Bible, I would describle it is a story of a patient God who repeatedly waits for His people to realize their need for a Savior. God gives us chance after chance to follow Him because of His promise to judge the world. He does this patiently even though He has enought evidence against us to warrant our destruction.

When you begin to understand how patient God truly is the only response I can think of is to change and then invite everyone I come in contact with to change also.

In this sermon I will:
1) Give characteristics of God's patience
2) Discuss what motivates God to be patient
3) Reveal the benefits we get from our patient Father

The sermon is provided in the player below. I hope you are blessed by what you hear.

Just Down Right Weird

2008-02-09T13:47:00.001-05:00

I am going to share a weird experience with you, but if you attempt it on your own do not blame me for the results. We were warming up some peas and carrots for Emily in the microwave and the carrots began to shoot sparks and catch on fire. We thought that there was something wrong with the microwave and did several experiments to see what the problem iwas. We have finally come up with the conclusion that if you are microwaving carrots and if they touch it will shoot out fire and sparks. I am not suggesting you try this but it was some cheap entertainment nonetheless. You may have already known this, but I try to learn something new every day.

Maybe I will try eggs next and see what happens. :)

My Treat To You

2008-02-08T17:25:00.000-05:00

Sunday ReCap (Week Three)

2008-01-24T15:46:00.001-05:00

This past Sunday I preached on the topic of "Closer: Our Holy God." This is the third part of a series looking at the attributes of God.

I have become well aware that everyone, including Christians, have lost our perspective on how seriousness of sin. You may hear foul language, view violence on television, or listen to gossip about another and not even realize that you participated in sin. We have become numb and due to this it has become extremely difficult for us to see the impact of sin in our life.

Imagine if man would have never sinned. How would your life be different today? I believe that because of sin our world has been impacted significantly. There would be no need to work because God would have provided it for us. There would be no physical diseases because each of them have resulted in some way from man's sin (i.e. pollution). There would be no addictions because we would have a fulfilling relationship with God and need no other substitute. There would be no war or violence because God created us to live in peace with one another. These among many other reasons are how sin has caused us to have a disconnected relationship with God.

Due to the reasons given above, I am convinced that we cannot even begin to grasp the concept of holiness because sin has marred our lives.

In the lesson I try to answer the following questions:
1) What is holiness?
2) Why do we consider God to be holy?
3) Why should we be holy?
4) How do we become holy?

Due to technical difficulties we were not able to record this sermon, but I will attempt to re-record in the next couple of days and post it in the media player below. I hope you are blessed by what you hear and learn.

Random Thought

2008-01-23T15:42:00.000-05:00

"There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results. " -Kenneth Blanchard

Wouldn't it be amazing if all of us Christians were committed to Christ and His church instead of just being interested?

Sunday ReCap (Week Two)

2008-01-16T11:53:00.001-05:00

This past week we continued the sermon series entitled "Closer." In this series we are looking at the attributes of God with the purpose of seeing how God wants His people to react to each other. The lesson this week focused on the love of God.

Love is a difficult term to define. Depending on your family background or the relationships you have been a part of, the word love really may not mean much at all. Its meaning could totally be lost because of the abuse you received repeatedly.

In this lesson I seek to answer four questions:
1) What is love?
2) How does God love us sacrificially?
3) How does God love us unconditionally?
4) How does God love us permanently?

I hope you get a chance to listen below in the provided media player.

New Feature

2008-01-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

You can now listen to my sermons on this website. If you scroll to the bottom of the page you will see a media player for your convenience. Just click play on the sermon of your choice. I hope you are blessed by what you hear.

Sunday ReCap (Week One)

2008-01-07T20:14:00.000-05:00

Over the next several weeks I will be preaching about the various attributes of God. This series has been titled "Closer". I believe this is an important study because we usually only think of three qualities when discussing His attributes: omnipresence, omnipotence, and omniscience. These are awesome qualities of our God, but He is so much more than that.

One of the reasons that God reveals Himself so vividly is because He wants His children to follow the example He has set. This not only shows His wisdom, but gives us no reason to live as if we don't know what God expects of us.

The sermon this past week was called 'Our Faithful God'. I answered the questions: What is faithfulness? Why should we trust God to be faithful? and Why does God expect His followers to be faithful?

I hope you have an opportunity to listen.

The Mystery of Sunday Morning

2008-01-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have been a member of several congregations in my lifetime and two issues that always seem to be debated are "What time should worship start on Sunday morning?" and “How long should we worship?” I believe these are valid questions, but the attitudes behind the question can become negative and selfish.

"What time should worship start on Sunday morning?"
This question can be answered in so many ways depending on who you are talking to. It really does not make a difference as long as a godly attitude is behind your decision. From my experience, congregations have later worship times on Sunday morning because it is hard for people to get up early. I do understand that reasoning, but I have never been able to understand why Monday through Friday people can get up early for their job, Black Friday, school, exercise, etc. without complaint, but then when Sunday morning worship comes around have a problem with getting up to worship before 10 a.m. I am not advocating for having a 7:00 a.m. service, but am making the point that our priorities can really be unhealthy at times.

“How long should we worship?”
As a minister I cringe each time I hear this question. I am not sure why it bothers me so much, but don’t understand why we are so adamant in having to “cap” how long we should spend time in worship to God.

I have been told by many people that the culture we live in is not conducive to worship being more than an hour. I am not sure where their beliefs on this come from. I do know, however, that when people feel that something is important they will spend time doing it.
How many of you sat through the Lord of the Rings trilogy? How many of you have attended a 2-3 hour graduation just to hear the name of your loved one called? How much more important is it then to spend some time worshipping our creator?

I believe the biggest issue lies in a heart problem. There can be an attitude that when we come to worship everything must fit what is best for me. It has to be my songs, my style of worship, my length of sermon, my favorite sermon topic, and done in less than an hour so that I can get home. I know this is a very cynical, but you have heard the excuses before just like I have.

When we truly have a heart for God then we lose the right to demand what is the most convenient for our particular situation. We will be more concerned about glorifying God regardless of what time of day that it is. I think He deserves it too. God has never put a “cap” on our blessings or only been available to us when it suited Him. Why do we feel we have the right to respond to Him that way?

So what do you think? Am I crazy (Probably a bad question) or am I just missing something here?

Teach Your Children Well

2007-12-22T12:27:00.000-05:00

Make sure your kids are protected and are informed of this dreaded disease.

There Are No Barriers

2007-12-20T15:57:00.000-05:00

Isa 40:3-5 (NLT)
Listen! It's the voice of someone shouting,"Clear the way through the wilderness for the Lord!Make a straight highway through the wasteland for our God! Fill in the valleys,and level the mountains and hills. Straighten the curves, and smooth out the rough places. Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The Lord has spoken!"

I absolutely hate detours! I love being able to go where I need to without having any barriers to keep me from my destination. I cannot even recount the number of hours I have wasted in life simply waiting because my chosen path was "temporarily unavailable."

It seems that life can be that way also. There may be a goal I am working toward, a task I need to complete, or a person who I really need to get in contact with, but inevitably it takes longer than expected. Something always happens that keeps me from accomplishing that task on my time table or when it is best for me.

Even though I may get frustrated with the barriers I come across in life it is a comfort to know that God has removed all barriers when it comes to having a relationship with Him. Regardless of my race, popularity, socioeconomic status, gender, or anything else that sets me apart from others God has proudly proclaimed that "His glory will be revealed" to all people. This statement gives me hope because I can no longer make any excuses for not knowing God. He is always ready and available to me if only I seek Him.

So what excuse have you been using? Is it your family, job, or busy work schedule? It really does not make a difference. God is here waiting for you if you will only remove the perceived barriers that you have in your life. Try Him out He will not disappoint.

Don't Give Up

2007-12-19T21:34:00.000-05:00

2 Chronicles 16:9 (NLT)
" The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him..."

Have you ever been tired? I mean so tired that all you really want to do is sleep all day. This does not happen to me all the time, but when it does I want to be left alone so that I can recover.

Have you ever been so busy for the Kingdom that you felt that you needed a break from it all? Could you imagine a week without "church" responsibilities? Could you use a month where you could just be served and not serve at all? Many people that fill the pews of churches never have the opportunity to get a break because they are so dedicated to the work that is going on. Some churches are so small that getting a break from teaching a class, visiting the sick, or doing studies with non-believers never comes around because they are lacking in the workforce.

I have often wondered where people get the strength to do all the good work that they do.
The book of Chronicles tells us that God is out searching for those in His Kingdom who are dedicated to His work. His purpose is to strengthen and encourage them so that they will not grow weary.

To all of you out there who are considering cutting back on the work you are doing or even considering giving up I encourage you to wait on God. God knows how much you are doing and knows the sacrifice you are making. His eyes are on you and He will not let you run out of steam. Even though you may not receive any encouragement from those you minister to, God is a great rewarder of those who serve Him. Put your hope and trust in Him and He will not fail you.

My Christmas Gifts

2007-12-18T10:20:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pictures of the girls we took on Saturday.
We hope you enjoy them.

We hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

Count It All Joy?

2007-12-04T17:43:00.000-05:00

James 1:1-4 (NIV):

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I believe James teaches us three powerful lessons in this short passage of Scripture:

1) It is all about Jesus.

It is believed that James was the half brother of Jesus, yet he associates himself to Jesus by calling himself his servant. I am not sure about you, but if my older brother had the power to heal the sick, bring people back from the dead, change water into wine, and defeat the grave I would milk that fame for all its worth. James however realized that when it came down to it his earthly relationship to Jesus really was not that important. I believe that when each of us kills the part of us that desires fame and recognition for what we do we will be able to develop a mindset of giving all credit and glory to God. When everything becomes about Jesus then it becomes less about me.

2) Trials are an opportunity for growth.
From a worldly perspective this is really an ignorant statement. Who in their right mind is thinking about joy when they lose a job, going through a divorce, or been the victim of a violent crime. I believe James is trying to teach us that our mistakes or the negative situations that we go through can be a blessing in disguise. How could you ever comfort someone who is dealing with a disease if you have not experienced yourself? How could you talk to someone who just lost a child if you have not been through that situation already. James is not saying that it will be fun, but that we can gain so much if we focus on the blessing that is to come.

3) Maturity comes to those who do not give up when times get hard.
Have you ever had a goal that you gave up on too quickly because it got hard? Maybe it was a relationship. Maybe it was a degree you were working on. Maybe there was a language you attempted to learn. Maybe it was the diet you have stopped 100 times already. James simply tells us that we cannot be mature unless we endure. There are some things in our life that will be difficult and may be difficult for a long time, but if you do not give up God can make it a blessing for you.

So what do you think? What are some other things James may be trying to tell us in this passage?

Sample Sermon

2007-11-18T00:14:00.000-05:00

It has been quite a while since I have been on here. I am headed out of town for Thanksgiving so I am sure I will have some things to write about when we return.

I have been experimenting with video so I wanted to share a sermon I preached a couple of months ago. It is called "When God Doesn't Answer". Let me know what you think.

Resolving Conflict In Relationships (Part 2)

2007-10-08T12:35:00.000-05:00

Last time we discussed the factors that lead to conflict. Today I want to suggest a few techniques to help resolve conflict.

Active Listening

Active listening is a valuable skill for resolving conflicts because it enables you to demonstrate that you understand what another person is saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said.
Active listening is a way of checking whether your understanding is correct. It also demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned. These all help resolve a situation where there are conflicting points of view.

Active listening responses have two components:
(1) naming the feeling that the other person is conveying, and (2) stating the reason for the feeling.

Here are some examples of active-listening statements:
“Sounds like you’re upset about what happened at work.”
“You’re annoyed by my lateness, aren’t you?”
“You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem.”
“It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe’s paperwork.”
“Sounds like you’re really worried about Wendy.”
“I get the feeling you’re awfully busy right now.”

Actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another’s point of view.

Benefits of Active Listening

If a person uses active listening as part of his or her communication style, it has a positive effect on dealing with conflicts when they arise. This is because of the following benefits:
1. It feels good when another person makes an effort to understand what you are thinking and feeling. It creates good feelings about the other person and makes you feel better about yourself.
2. Restating what you’ve heard and checking for understanding promotes better communication and produces fewer misunderstandings.
3. Responding with active listening has a calming effect in an emotional situation.

General Tips for Managing Conflict

1. Stick with “I” statements; avoid “you” statements.
2. Avoid name-calling and put-downs (“A reasonable person could see that...”).
3. Soften your tone.
4. Take a time-out (“Let’s take a break and cool down”).
5. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view (agreement is not necessary).
6. Avoid defensive or hostile body language (rolling eyes, crossing arms in front of body, tapping foot).
7. Be specific and factual; avoid generalities.

Preventing Conflicts
Now that we’ve talked about how to resolve a conflict, let’s look at how to prevent conflicts from happening. Think of situations in your life where there don’t seem to be many conflicts. What might be happening there? Chances are, you are practicing one of the following conflict-prevention skills:

1. Bring issues out in the open before they become problems.
2. Be aware of triggers and respond to them when you notice them.
3. Have a process for resolving conflicts. Discuss the process with those around you and get agreement on what people should do in cases of differing viewpoints.

God has called all men to peace. Let's do our best to be peace makers and dealing with our conflicts in a healthy manner.

Resolving Conflict in Relationships (Part One)

2007-10-03T08:04:00.000-05:00

Do you know anyone in a relationship that claims to have no conflict? I used to tell people that when Dana and I were married our first year we did not argue at all. As time passed I realized that we did not argue because we were avoiding conflict and not resolving it at all. Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a serious problem; in others, differences seem to be resolved without creating a major incident.

In this blog I want to discuss the factors that lead to conflict.

Think about the kinds of conflicts that happen in your daily life. These are typical:
1. Disagreements over who should do what
2. Disagreements over how things should be done
3. Conflicts of personality and style

Nonproductive Ways of Dealing with Conflict

Now that we’ve identified some typical situations where conflict arises in your everyday lives, let’s look at some examples of ways that people deal with them. These are the common ones:
1. Avoid the conflict.
2. Deny the conflict; wait until it goes away.
3. Change the subject.
4. React emotionally: Become aggressive, abusive, hysterical, or frightening.
5. Find someone to blame.
6. Make excuses.
7. Let someone else deal with it.

All of these responses to conflict have one thing in common: They are all nonproductive. All of them are destructive, some physically. This is why learning to manage conflict is so important.

Factors That Affect How People Manage Conflict

The skills involved in managing conflict are learned behaviors. None of us is born knowing how to deal with differences of opinion, arguments, or turf wars. Some of the factors that affect how we behave in the face of conflict are:
1. Behavior learned in families. In some families, conflict and confrontation are a communication style. In others, conflict always remains hidden.
2. Behavior learned from role models. People who have had a teacher or boss who modeled effective conflict resolution skills are more likely to develop these skills themselves.
3. Status. People in higher-status positions usually feel freer to engage in conflict and are less likely to avoid confrontation.
4. Unwritten rules. Some groups encourage conflict; others have unwritten rules that it is to be contained or avoided.
5. Gender differences. Males are generally encouraged to be more confrontational than females.

You can decide on your own where and if you fit into that picture above. The problem is that we as Christians have a higher caller than just simply tolerating each other. We are to be loving, kind, and live in peace. In my next blog I want to discuss some general ways that we can deal with conflict in a healthy Christlike manner.

Recovering from an Affair (Part Two)

2007-09-11T06:19:00.000-05:00

Recovery Strategies

Even though infidelity has a devastating impact on marriages, many do survive. Let’s look at what it takes for a relationship to recover.

If You Were Unfaithful

If you had the affair and want to save your marriage:

1. Stop the affair and tell the truth about it.
2. Make the choice to practice fidelity.
3. Understand your partner’s need to ask questions and understand what happened.
4. Spend plenty of time with your family.
5. Find a therapist and explore what has happened in your marriage.
6. Expect to reassure your partner of your commitment to the marriage.
7. Listen carefully to your partner and accept his or her feelings and thoughts.
8. Admit that you were wrong. Admit everything and let it all out.
9. Make amends. Identify what it would take for you to obtain forgiveness. Then, do it.

If Your Partner Was Unfaithful

If your partner had the affair and you want to save your marriage:

1. Acknowledge your anger and express it productively.
2. Be aware of distorted thoughts that may fuel your anger.
3. Watch out for negative beliefs that may make it harder for you to heal your relationship.
4. Find a way to explore and express your feelings, such as writing in a journal or working with a professional therapist.
5. Explore the advantages and disadvantages of saving your marriage.
6. Establish a safe environment where you can learn about what happened.
7. When you are ready, create a ritual for letting go of the anger and forgiving.

Prevention Steps

Finally, what are some things you can do to protect your marriage and keep it from becoming an infidelity statistic?
1. Pay attention to your partner. Be aware of his or her needs and do your best to meet them.
2. Think about how you behaved when you were trying to win your partner over. Do the same things now.
3. Make time for each other.
4. Look for opportunities to talk and listen.
5. Be thoughtful and romantic. Send cards, flowers, gifts.
6. Avoid high-risk situations. Discuss these with your partner and ask him or her to do the same.
7. Be polite to your partner.
8. Say nice things about your partner, in public and in private.
9. Spend regular private time together.
10.Greet your partner when he or she comes home.
11. Show that you are glad to see your partner. Be energized and pleasant.
12. Recommit to your values. Make the decision to live in keeping with what you believe is right.
13. Accept that you are responsible for your own well-being.
14. Be proactive about nurturing your marriage. This relationship is your most important investment; give it the time and attention it deserves.
15. Look for ways to express appreciation and respect.
16. Think of ways to enhance your partner’s self-esteem.

An affair can happen to anyone, but it is possible to recover if both partners are willing to commit to the process. I hope that these suggestions will lead your marriage to peace if an affair has occurred. God blessings be with you all.

Recovering from an Affair (Part One)

2007-09-10T12:37:00.000-05:00

Infidelity is more common than most people realize. In fact, it is estimated that 60% of men and 40% of women today will have an extramarital affair during their marriage. People who are Christians are just as likely to have an affair as non Christians. In this blog, I will explore the forces that lead to infidelity and what must happen for couples to heal.

Forms of Infidelity

Infidelity takes many forms. Some people have sequential affairs—a series of one-night stands or short affairs. These affairs involve very little emotional investment and may be rationalized as harmless. There is always the danger of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. When such behavior continues for several years and finally is discovered, it is difficult to heal the years of deceit.
Other affairs are discrete events. These also involve minimal emotional investment.
Sometimes affairs last longer and become more serious. These affairs may be quite romantic and sexual. Sometimes they grow into more serious relationships and may last for years.

Why Affairs Happen

Infidelity happens for many reasons. Here are a few of the common explanations (I do not necessarily agree with these reasons, but have heard them before):

1. An affair may be a response to a crisis such as the death of someone important, moving to a new city, a job change, or some other kind of life transition.
2. Sometimes people become bored with their partners and seek sexual or emotional excitement with someone new. The new person seems to supply the excitement that has been missing.
3. Stressful times in the family life cycle lead some to seek escape in an affair. This includes things like taking care of aging parents, raising teenagers, and becoming new parents.
4. People sometimes look for outside relationships because their expectations of marriage have not been satisfied.
5. Some people seek outside relationships when their partners are emotionally unavailable because of illness.
6. Other people begin affairs because they seek more affection than their partner can provide.
7. Other people seek professional or social advancement.

There are also many social reasons why affairs happen: factors that exist in our society that lead many of us to expect a fantasy version of marriage that could never really exist. When marriage doesn’t live up to this expectation, some keep looking for it outside of marriage.

Common Reactions to Infidelity

People who are involved in relationships in which their partner has been unfaithful say they have a wide range of reactions. These are a few of the common ones:
1. A physical reaction, such as feeling like you have been punched in the stomach.
2. Denying that anything is wrong.
3. Blaming yourself (I didn’t pay enough attention to her; I wasn’t sexy enough for him; I let myself get too fat, etc.).
4. Blaming your partner (I can’t believe anything she says)
5. Blaming the relationship (We were too young; We were wrong for each other; We had different values, etc.).
6. Blaming the lover (It’s all his fault; If it weren’t for him); transferring anger from one’s spouse to one’s lover.

Other Consequences of Infidelity

In addition to the emotional impact of infidelity, there may also be other consequences: sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, problems at work, and loss of relationships.

In my next blog I will discuss recovery strategies and steps to prevent an affair in your marriage.

August Was Crazy

2007-09-06T11:27:00.000-05:00

It has been a little while since I have had anything significant to say on here. Life has been hurried to say the least. During the month of August I had two people close to me pass away: Louise Jones and Betty McClough. Louise is my grandmother and Betty is a friend from Memphis, TN. I was afforded the opportunity to go to TN for my grandmother's funeral, but could not attend Betty's due to them being on the same day. The trip was extremely last minute, but I was glad that I was able to go. I got to reconnect with some family I have not seen in years. It was a nice to be home with family. The biggest problem with being away was that I had to leave Dana and the girls behind. I do not like doing that at all. To complicate things it was our anniversary weekend. (I am still trying to make up for that one!)

Two weeks ago I attended an orientation at a local college to hand out information about our congregation. It was a great experience seeing these freshmen begin their new life away from home. They looked so young! They were all full of dreams and excited about what lies ahead for them. It is hard to believe that it has been 13 years already since I was a college freshman. Man I am starting to get old.

Last weekend I took some vacation time to go to Virginia Beach with my family. Our good friends, the Kirvens, have been living there for almost 3 years now. We met them during our time in Canton, OH and have been keeping in touch ever since. They are a wonderful family and have experienced some happy and disappointing times with us during the past six years. We took the time to go to the beach to relax for awhile and just enjoy the weather. Benjamin is the Family Life Minister at the Bayside Church of Christ. He was gracious enough to have me speak the Sunday night we were there. It is always a neat experience when preaching at a new place. You never know what to expect, but it was exciting as always. We ended up doing a cookout on Monday down there and then traveled 9 hours back to Lebanon, PA. The traveling part was not fun at all.

Due to all of thie travel and activities, I have not been at my congregation for three Sunday's in a row. I must admit that having the time off was good mentally and spiritually. It gave me the opportunity to get recharged and refocused. I am sure you ministry people out there know what I mean. I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

I hope that each of you have enjoyed your summer and cherish this warm weather before it is gone.

Party In My Tummy

2007-08-29T10:05:00.000-05:00

In my quest to find quality programming for children and rid the world of children's shows that are creepy I have found a new culprit. This is a clip from the show 'Yo Gabba Gabba' It is just down right weird. I am also upset with them because they used my likeness on the show without compensation (check out the host). I hope you don't lose too many brain cells by watching the clip.

We Are Family

2007-08-26T07:03:00.000-05:00

I am going to Lebanon Valley College today for their freshman orientation to advertise our congregation. I decided to do a little slide show and wanted to share it with you. Enjoy.

The Benefits of Instrumental Music

2007-08-24T22:26:00.003-05:00

Going acappella here could have made this situation worse. It gets really good about two minutes into his performance. Enjoy.
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I will be back to posting my random thoughts next week. I have had some unexpected events in my life lately that have kept my schedule quite full.

My How Time Flies

2007-08-16T14:22:00.000-05:00

Nine years ago yesterday a very immature guy and a beautiful girl made a commitment before God to take care of each other. I know it is only by the grace of God that we have lasted so long. Dana is such a blessing to me in so many ways. She has taught me so much about God's grace. She has accepted me and my junk when others quickly ran away. She deals with my stubborness and loves me in spite of it. She is my friend and is honest with me about her feelings. She is my joy because she makes me laugh and brings peace to my life. She is my partner because she helps me raise two of the most beautiful girls in the world. I feel it a priviledge to have her in my life. I am looking forward to many more wonderful years ahead with her.
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Proverbs 31:10 (The Message)
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

Poor Leroy Greer

2007-08-13T07:28:00.000-05:00

This morning I watched the Today Show and they did a segment on Leroy Greer. This poor man was going through a divorce and decided to secretly send flowers to a female friend of his. The mean people at 1-800-FLOWERS sent a card accidentally to his wife thanking him for his purchase. His nosey wife knew that the flowers were not sent to her and had the audacity to call the flower company to get a reciept for the transaction. Due to the pending divorce his soon to be ex-wife increased the amount of money that she wanted from the divorce. I am not sure why he is getting treated this way. The poor man was only trying to secretly cheat on his wife. Have we lost those rights in America? What has happened to our society? Why can't a man of integrity break his marriage vows in peace?

Leroy is in the process of suing the flower company due to a breach of privacy. They should know better. I hope this teaches them and everyone out there to let people have their privacy because it only makes matter worse.
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Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)
Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Check It Out

2007-08-07T19:32:00.000-05:00

I was reading John Dobbs' blog today and it is by far the best blog post I have ever read. He talks about how church sometimes equals pain. Do yourself a favor and check it out http://johndobbs.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/when-church-pain/

Being Relevant in the Community

2007-08-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

In my lifetime I have had the opportunity to attend churches with as few as 8 members to as many as 7200 members. I have to admit that I am most comfortable in a congregation with less than 500 members just from the viewpoint of being able to have the opportunity to serve there and having the possibility of getting to know some of the people who go to church there. One thing I have noticed, regardless of the size of the congregation, is that many churches are not relevant in their community.

I once heard a speaker ask "Would your community notice a difference if your church closed its doors forever?" Sadly many communities would go unchanged. Why is that? Is God's Word still relevant? I know the answer to that is a resounding "Yes!" so that is not the problem. Does the Bible still have the power to change lives? Once again the answer is "Yes!" So the real question is why has the church lost its relevance and connection to the communities that they are in? Why are our churches more commuter oriented than community based?

To answer these questions we must look at our definition of evangelism. There was a time in our culture when we knocked on someone's door, asked them about their salvation, studied the Bible with them, and then waited for their response. This method was effective for many people, but that model does not work anymore. Some would consider having a car wash and handing out their church bulletin as being evangelism. These approaches can open the door to some people, but I believe we have missed the key ingredient to being relevant: relationship.

In order for the church to be relevant in the community we need to know the people in the community and be able to reach them where they are psychologically, emotionally, and physically. Any attempts to reach them with the gospel without having a relationship usually will not be successful because we need to deliver the Bible to them in a context that they will understand. This will not always be comfortable for us, but God never called us to comfort only to being faithful.

I pray that the church will regain its relevancy in the community once again. I know that as this process unfolds God will be glorified and His people will be more effective in bringing in those who are lost.

Just For Fun

2007-08-04T14:04:00.000-05:00

I stole this idea from my friend Emily Ramsey. I thought it would be fun to do. I am not sure what to think about the women on the picture, but I wouldn't mind being related to Oprah at all.

The Search for Shepherds

2007-08-03T09:57:00.000-05:00

Many people have asked (actually only two) why I have not been posting much lately. I have been busy doing a ton of reading for a new Bible class that I will begin teaching on Sunday. The congregation that I currently serve has not had elders in a few years. It has been a personal goal of mine and the congregation to have elders re-established in the congregation. I must admit that I have never been through this process before. I have been at congregations that already had elders and added more, but never have helped a congregation establish an eldership after not having any for several years. This is a great task, but I know that God will bless us through this process.

I have spent the past year teaching on the Holy Spirit and spiritual gifts as a primer for this next class. I felt that the proper groundwork had to be laid in order to discuss a topic as important as spiritual leaders. I have spent countless hours reading the four texts above. Each presents valuable information on the heart, function, and qualities of spiritual leaders. I will spend the next 3-4 months teaching on the topic of spiritual leadership. The ideal end result is that we will be able to establish an eldership in our congregation in the Spring of 2008. Your prayers on this process are definitely sought.

Due to the all of the research I have been doing I want to use the information that I have acquired to bless as many people as possible. Over the next few months I will use my blog to discuss this important topic of spiritual leadership. I pray that you will enjoy what you read and give any feedback that you find helpful.

If you are interested in the class outlines that I will be presenting they will be available every Sunday evening on the church website http://www.lvcoc.org/ in the 'Media' section.

Dealing with Anxiety (Part 2)

2007-08-02T13:55:00.000-05:00

In my last post I discussed the different types of anxiety disorders and common panic symptoms. Today I would like to cover some treatment options for people who deal with anxiety.

Treatment Options

Most people who suffer from anxiety disorders begin to feel better when they receive the proper treatment. It can be difficult to identify the correct treatment, however, because each person’s anxiety is caused by a unique set of factors. It can be frustrating for the client when treatment is not immediately successful or takes longer than hoped for. Some clients feel better after a few weeks or months of treatment, while others may need a year or more. If a person has an anxiety disorder in combination with another disorder (such as alcoholism and depression), treatment is more complicated and takes longer.

While a treatment plan must be specifically designed for each individual, there are a number of standard approaches. Mental health professionals who specialize in treating anxiety most often use a combination of the following treatments. There is no single correct approach.

Cognitive Therapy

The client learns how to identify and change unproductive thought patterns by observing his or her feelings and learning to separate realistic from unrealistic thoughts.

Behavior Therapy

This treatment helps the client alter and control unwanted behavior. Systematic desensitization, a type of behavior therapy, is often used to help people with phobias and OCD. The client is exposed to anxiety-producing stimuli one small step at a time, gradually increasing his or her tolerance to situations that have produced disabling anxiety.

Relaxation Training

Many people with anxiety disorders benefit from self-hypnosis, guided visualization, and biofeedback. Relaxation training is often part of psychotherapy.

Medication

Antidepressant and antianxiety medications can help restore chemical imbalances that cause symptoms of anxiety. This is an effective treatment for many people, especially in combination with psychotherapy.
The treatment for an anxiety disorder depends on the severity and length of the problem. The client’s willingness to actively participate in treatment is also an important factor. When a person with panic is motivated to try new behaviors and practice new skills and techniques, he or she can learn to change the way the brain responds to familiar thoughts and feelings that have previously caused anxiety.

I hope these posts have given a little insight on anxiety and provided some information that will help your life to become healthier.

Dealing with Anxiety (Part 1)

2007-07-31T16:06:00.000-05:00

It has been some time since I have done a mental health related blog so I felt it was time to revisit this area. I am beginning a two part series that will discuss anxiety disorders and the treatment of them.

Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part of life. All of us know what it is like to feel worry, nervousness, fear, and concern. We feel nervous when we have to give a speech, go for a job interview, or walk into our boss’s office for the annual performance appraisal. We know it’s normal to feel a surge of fear when we unexpectedly see a photo of a snake or look down from the top of a tall building. Most of us manage these kinds of anxious feelings fairly well and are able to carry on with our lives without much difficulty. These feelings don’t disrupt our lives.
But millions of people (an estimated 15% of the population) suffer from devastating and constant anxiety that severely affects their lives, sometimes resulting in living in highly restricted ways. These people experience panic attacks, phobias, extreme shyness, obsessive thoughts, and compulsive behaviors. The feeling of anxiety is a constant and dominating force that disrupts their lives. Some become prisoners in their own homes, unable to leave to work, drive, or visit the grocery store. For these people, anxiety is much more than just an occasional wave of apprehension.

Types of Anxiety Disorders

An anxiety disorder affects a person’s behavior, thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. The most common anxiety disorders include the following:
Social anxiety or social phobia is a fear of being around other people. People who suffer from this disorder always feel self-conscious around others. They have the feeling that everyone is watching them and staring at them, being critical in some way. Because the anxiety is so painful, they learn to stay away from social situations and avoid other people. Some eventually need to be alone at all times, in a room with the door closed. The feeling is pervasive and constant and even happens with people they know.

People who have social anxiety know that their thoughts and fears are not rational. They are aware that others are not actually judging or evaluating them at every moment. But this knowledge does not make the feelings disappear.

Panic disorder is a condition where a person has panic attacks without warning. According to the National Institutes of Mental Health, about 5% of the adult American population suffers from panic attacks. Some experts say that this number is actually higher, since many people experience panic attacks but never receive treatment.
Common symptoms of panic include:

• Racing or pounding heart
• Trembling
• Sweaty palms
• Feelings of terror
• Chest pains or heaviness in the chest
• Dizziness and lightheadedness
• Fear of dying
• Fear of going crazy
• Fear of losing control
• Feeling unable to catch one’s breath
• Tingling in the hands, feet, legs, or arms

A panic attack typically lasts several minutes and is extremely upsetting and frightening. In some cases, panic attacks last longer than a few minutes or strike several times in a short time period.

A panic attack is often followed by feelings of depression and helplessness. Most people who have experienced panic say that the greatest fear is that the panic attack will happen again.
Many times, the person who has a panic attack doesn’t know what caused it. It seems to have come “out of the blue.” At other times, people report that they were feeling extreme stress or had encountered difficult times and weren’t surprised that they had a panic attack.

Generalized anxiety disorder is quite common, affecting an estimated 3 to 4% of the population. This disorder fills a person’s life with worry, anxiety, and fear. People who have this disorder are always thinking and dwelling on the “what ifs” of every situation. It feels like there is no way out of the vicious cycle of anxiety and worry. The person often becomes depressed about life and their inability to stop worrying.

People who have generalized anxiety usually do not avoid situations, and they don’t generally have panic attacks. They can become incapacitated by an inability to shut the mind off, and are overcome with feelings of worry, dread, fatigue, and a loss of interest in life. The person usually realizes these feelings are irrational, but the feelings are also very real. The person’s mood can change from day to day, or even hour to hour. Feelings of anxiety and mood swings become a pattern that severely disrupts the quality of life.

People with generalized anxiety disorder often have physical symptoms including headaches, irritability, frustration, trembling, inability to concentrate, and sleep disturbances. They may also have symptoms of social phobia and panic disorder.

Other types of anxiety disorders include:

Phobia, fearing a specific object or situation.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a system of ritualized behaviors or obsessions that are driven by anxious thoughts.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), severe anxiety that is triggered by memories of a past traumatic experience.
Agoraphobia, disabling fear that prevents one from leaving home or another safe place.

In the next post I will discuss treatment options for anxiety disorders.

The Sounds of Parenthood

2007-07-29T23:26:00.000-05:00

People who don't have children do not get to experience the darkside of parenthood. I am providing you an 11 second glimpse of bedtime every night. Sorry for the quality but I was using my cell phone. Be sure to turn your speakers on full blast to get a "realistic" feel.

Another Year Gone

2007-07-25T14:42:00.000-05:00

I turned 31 years old yesterday and I realized how fast this last year has gone by. This past year has been a huge growing and adjustment period for my family and I. I find myself in Lebanon, PA with my beautiful wife and two awesome daughters. I still have no idea why God blessed me with each one, but I will not continue to question His wisdom and grace.

I found out the hard way yesterday that I am not 19 anymore. I came to church to take our kids to go play mini-golf. I approached the building and saw a few guys tossing around a football. In all of my wisdom I planned to run in and intercept the ball. This plan was well thought out in my mind, but my body was not ready. I dropped my bags, ran through the grass, dived through the air and intercepted the pass. I wish at this point I could say that it ended beautifully. As I was coming down out of the air my left foot was not ready for impact and I twisted my ankle pretty bad. The kids thought it was hilarious so I tried to pretend that I was not hurt. This attempt lasted for about the two minutes that it took me to get myself inside the church building. My ankle instantly swelled up like a balloon. I ended up playing mini-golf anyway, but immeadiately went home to ice it down. I walked around all evening with a cold pack duct taped to my ankle. I was definitely cute. My present to myself for my birthday is an ankle the size of a grapefruit. Way to go me!

Overall I enjoyed my birthday. Dana fixed me an excellent dinner of BBQ pork, cole slaw, sweet corn, sweet tea, and a pumpkin pie. For a few minutes I thought I was back in Memphis.

I continue to feel the blessings of God and am looking forward to all that He has planned for me in the future. I hope that you too can appreciate what God is doing in your life and respond to Him accordingly.

Church Plant 2

2007-07-17T06:26:00.001-05:00

I feel a little embarrassed about my last post. I was just kidding around about the whole "Liberal Church" situation. I have had several people tell me they are praying for the new work but I was just being funny due to the name Liberal, Kansas. I appreciate everyone's concern and it neat to realize that people are actually reading what I put on here. Sorry again about the confusion.

Church Plant

2007-07-15T23:08:00.000-05:00

I have been considering for awhile now that I want to plant a church. I feel that I am being called to Liberal, Kansas. I am excited about this vision, but am having trouble coming up with the name for the church. I have narrowed it down to: "The Liberal Church" and "The Liberal Church of Christ". I am still confused about which name will best suit the congregation. I think I will pray about this one for a little while longer.

Summer Celebration 2007

2007-07-02T05:38:00.001-05:00

My family and I are headed to TN for our yearly trek to Lipscomb University's Summer Celebration. This is by far the best lectureship that I have ever attended. This will be the fourth time my family has attended. If you have never been then you are really missing out on some great spiritual food. I will try to post a couple of days while we are on our trip. Enjoy your 4th.

Minister and Elder Relations

2007-07-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

I was recently asked how I viewed the relationship between the elders and ministers. I thought about it a bit and offered this answer.

Psalm 23 paints a picture of God as the great Shepherd. This picture is repeated throughout the N.T. when referring to Jesus and also the elders of the local congregation. I once heard the role of a minister described as that of a sheepdog. I feel this is a fitting description of the relationship between the elders and the minister.

The sheepdog has a special role as a tool that is under the submission of the shepherd. The sheepdog does not have an agenda of its own. The sheepdog watches the shepherd carefully and is ready at all times to be used in any way to help protect the sheep of the flock. There are times that the sheepdog will herd the sheep. There are times when the sheepdog will step in to help the shepherd carry out his mission. There are times when the sheepdog may need to growl to get the sheep's attention. The sheepdog knows that he must depend on the right action of the shepherd in order to do his job correctly.

The shepherd’s role is to realize the investment he has in his sheepdog. He cannot abuse or neglect the sheepdog because that will not benefit anyone. The shepherd must make sure that the sheepdog stays healthy because a sick dog cannot function in its highly specialized role.

I feel this is how the minister and elders should relate to each other. We both have shared but unique roles in caring for the sheep.

So what do you think? How should elders and minister relate to each other?

Content with God alone

2007-06-28T20:21:00.000-05:00

I was sitting in my therapy session tonight (yes I am a therapist who gets counseling go figure) and my therapist asked me the weirdest question. He asked me could I be content in this life if all I had was God. I could not have family or friends. I could not be important or significant in any way. I could not be someone that others looked up to. It had to be just God and I. I must admit this question threw me for a loop because it had never been asked of me before. As I sat there and pondered this question for a bit I came to a scary conclusion. I am not at a place spiritually yet where I can be content with God alone.

Some would say that I should be ashamed to verbalize that thought much less write about it. I am just admitting to it so that I can be honest with myself and begin to know what part of my spiritual life needs to be strengthened. Many people will say that this part of spiritual formation is easy for them, but how many of us can truly say that we desire nothing else but to have God in our life. It would be difficult to be alone and not have the relationships that we have built on earth. I believe God calls us to this mindset, but it is a journey that takes some time to complete. It is my prayer that I will become more comfortable with God in a way that He provides all my needs. I want Him to solely provide the affirmation, praise, and support that
I need so that I will not seek it in a selfish manner.

So where are you in this journey? Are you content with God alone? Am I the only one who admittedly has this problem?

New Website

2007-06-21T22:27:00.000-05:00

Come check out our new church website at http://www.lvcoc.org/ It has been given a major facelift. We hope you enjoy it.

What You Do Best in the Body of Christ

2007-06-13T13:46:00.000-05:00

About three weeks ago I began teaching a Bible class on spiritual gifts. This is a class I always enjoy doing due to the complexity and powerful nature of the topic. We have been looking at a book called "What You Do Best in the Body of Christ" by Bruce Bugbee. This is absolutely the most practical material I have used to teach this topic. Bruce Bugbee begins with the basics of what the spiritual gifts are and eventually leads the reader to understanding how they can use the spiritual gifts to enhance their ministry.

I feel that this class has been going well thus far. It is not one of the topics that was discussed much at the church that I grew up in. I would suggest this book and class to anyone who is serious about discovering how God has shaped them for ministry.

Happy Birthday Blog

2007-06-10T14:20:00.000-05:00

I have been blogging for one year as of June 1, 2007. I have met several awesome people through this experiencing of sharing my thoughts. I have not always been faithful to writing as I should be, but I feel fortunate to get the feeback that I have. I will not make any promises of more frequent blogs during this new year, but I hope to keep challenging your thinking and helping you to smile every once in a while. God bless

Hip Hop Harry

2007-06-05T15:32:00.000-05:00

I like to consider myself "old school" because I remember the great shows like Electric Company, Sesame Street, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, School House Rock, Double Dare, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, etc. Those shows were educational, fun, and taught me so much about life.

This morning I got up early for work and was flipping through the channels as I ate my cereal. I found a new kid's show that really caught my eye. I watched "Hip Hop Harry"! Harry is some type of creature that is from the inner city who teaches kids about life and how to dance. I attached a clip above for your viewing pleasure. Let me know what you think about it.

Cover Them Things Up

2007-06-04T06:26:00.000-05:00

As I was leaving Walmart yesterday I was directly behind a young lady who forgot to put on a few articles of clothing before leaving the house. As I approached the friendly Walmart greeter upon exit I was anticipating hearing him say "Have a great day and come back." The comment today was unexpected. As the young lady passed by him he said "You need to cover them things up!" The young lady, visibly upset, turned and looked at him. He said "Yes I am talking to you. You need to cover 'em up." The young lady then walked away in a hurry. I must admit I found this situation both amusing and sad at the same time. Amusing due to his honesty and sad due to the rampant loss of modesty in our society.

This problem would be simple if it were only those outside of Christ who dealt with this, but that is far from the truth. It is disturbing that at church events with Christians I continue to see that people do not know a thing about modesty. I was at a church event recently where I had to purposely avoid talking to a couple of people because their clothing or lack of was too much of a distraction. Ephesians 5:3 states, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." How are we to expect God's people to have an impact on this world when we don't look any different from the world. Believe me I do not advocate everyone wearing sweaters and long pants year round, but modesty desperately needs a revival.

I am sure some are reading this and thinking that I am overreacting or being too hard on young ladies, but this is where most of the indecency that I am describing lies. It makes no sense to see someone constantly pulling down their shirt or covering up body parts when they knew they looked that way when they left home that morning. How can you wear shorts that don't cover up your butt and feel holy? How can you wear a shirt so short that everyone knows what your belly looks like and still think that you are drawing people unto Christ? This is something that we should be discussing more, but too many people are afraid to say anything because they do not want to offend anyone.

I believe it is the responsiblity of all of God's people to help our teens and adults with modesty. We need to have the boldness to say that somethings are not appropriate to wear in public. If this does not begin in the church we cannot sit around and wait for fashions to change because fashions are getting worse everyday. I believe we should all be concerned because our young ladies are being sexualized at a young age. This cannot please Christ and His people should have something to say about it.

24/Idol Thoughts

2007-05-24T10:54:00.000-05:00

I have purposely tried not to write about 24 or American Idol much because so many other people do. With this week being the season finale for both shows I felt it appropriate to finally have my say.

24
I must admit that this was a disappointing season overall. The plot was very goofy and the ending was less than creative. Jack Bauer has been in so many situations that it is really difficult to find a new storyline that is believeable and unpredictable. I am going to send in a script for next season. Jack Bauer is going to have 24 hours to save the world from aliens. He will team up with Superman, Captain Kirk, and E.T. to bring peace to our universe. Let's see FOX top that!

American Idol

I did not start watching this season until the top 10 began performing. It was getting a bit old seeing them make fun of so many people. I was not really attached to any performer until about week 8. The talent was great overall. Here are 8 thoughts about this past season.

1) Haley needed more clothes!

2) Idol needed Sanjaya more than he needed them.

3) Phil Stacey was a great singer, but did not seem to "fit" any particular music style.

4) There is much more we will hear from Lakisha Jones. "You go girl!"

5) Melinda made Nashville proud. She was humble, dressed modestly, killer voice and did not

give up her morals for fame. She will remembered with such greats as Tina Turner and

Gladys Knight.

6) The two hour finale went long and my DVR did not get the results. How disappointing!

7) Blake Lewis and Doug E. Fresh: A match made in beat boxing heaven.

8) Jordin deserved to win (only because of the absence of Melinda). Many great things will

come from this talented young lady.

Ok so enough of my ranting about these shows. What did you think?

Dealing with Grief

2007-05-23T14:53:00.000-05:00

In my work as a mental health therapist, I have seen many clients dealing with losses of all kinds—loss of loved ones through death and divorce, for instance. These experiences are difficult for everyone.

Stages of Recovery from Loss
There are some predictable stages that most people pass through after losing something or someone important. In her work on death and dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined five stages of grieving.

Shock and Denial: The first reaction to loss is often the inability to feel anything. This may include feeling numb, weak, overwhelmed, anxious, not yourself, or withdrawn.

Anger: Blaming yourself or others for the loss.

Bargaining: “If you’ll just let him live, I’ll promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life.”

Depression: Feeling deep sadness, disturbed sleep and eating patterns, thoughts of suicide, excessive crying.

Acceptance: Beginning to look for the lessons of the experience.

Kübler-Ross said that the grieving process involves experiencing all five stages, although not always in this order. She also said that people often cycle back and forth through a number of the stages before coming to the stage of acceptance.

Kinds of Losses
Some examples of significant losses are:
• Loss of a person through death
• Divorce
• Job loss
• Loss of your good health when you are diagnosed with a disease
• Loss of a body part through accident or surgery
• Loss of an ability, such as blindness
• Loss of a friend who has moved
• Loss of everything familiar when you move away

Each kind of loss affects each person in a different way, but the recovery process usually follows Kübler-Ross’s five stages.

Recovering from Loss: Some Key Points
1. You are responsible for your own grief process. No one can tell you how to grieve, and no one will do your grieving for you. It is hard work and you must manage the process by yourself.

2. The grief process has a purpose. It is to help you learn to accept the reality of the loss and to learn from the experience.

3. Remind yourself that your grief will end. You will not feel like this forever. You will heal.

4. Take care of your health. Grief is extremely stressful, and it requires energy to manage the stress.

5. Be careful with food and drink. While it may be tempting to numb the pain with food and drink, this can lead to the additional problems of alcohol dependence and overweight. Also, numbing the pain means you are prolonging denial. This will make your grieving process longer.

6. Talk about the person who is no longer in your life. People sometimes avoid talking about the loss as a denial mechanism. However, this prolongs denial and the grieving process.

7. Take time to be alone. In the days and weeks following the loss of a loved one, there is often a flurry of activity with many visitors and phone calls. Added to the stress of your loss, this can be completely exhausting. People will understand if you don’t answer the phone for an afternoon or go to your room and close the door for a while.

8. Maintain a normal routine if you can. You have enough changes in your life right now. Try to get up in the morning, go to bed at night, and take your meals at the same times you usually do.

9. Ask for help. You will need it. If you don’t want to be alone, or if you want someone to take you somewhere, it is okay to ask. People don’t expect you to be self-sufficient right now.

10. Let people help you. People want to help because it gives them a way to express their feelings. Staying connected with people is especially important now, and accepting help is a way of staying connected.

11. Keep a journal of your feelings and experiences during the grief process. Writing about your feelings helps you express them, rather than keeping them inside. It also gives you something to remember and review in the future, which you will appreciate. Writing about your feelings helps you express them, rather than keeping them inside.

How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving
1. Don’t try to get them to feel or be anything but what they are.
2. Don’t reward them for acting cheerful or “like your old self.” This teaches them to suppress their feelings around you.
3. Don’t avoid them. They need your support.
4. Let them tell about the loss again and again, if they need to.
5. Recognize that unexpected, perhaps inappropriate behavior is part of the grieving process. It means the bereaved person is moving forward.

I pray that these pointers will help you or someone you care about go through the grieving process in a healthy manner.

I'll Be Back

2007-05-22T15:51:00.000-05:00

To my two dedicated readers:

Please do not give up on me yet. Life with two kids has kept me busy lately. I will return on Wednesday with a new round of blog information for your reading pleasure. Have a blessed day.

Identity Theft

2007-05-11T11:45:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I preached a sermon on identity theft. Its purpose was to help us realize that Satan's job is to steal the identity that we have been given by Christ. I told a story about how we had $2000 stolen from us back in 1999 due to identity theft. Well lightning does strike in the same place twice.

I was at the grocery store on Tuesday attempting to purchase a few snacks for the night. My total came to $7.38. My debit card was immeadiately rejected. I thought it was just a glitch so I swiped it about 10 more times (Yes I am persistent). Well I returned home to call my bank and Dana tells me that the bank had called while I was gone. This was not a good sign. The bank asked me where I had been today and what I bought. I went through my day and they determined that it was not me who spent several hundred dollars in Mexico on clothing that day. Since my checking and short term savings account are linked together I was wiped clean. I was broke and did not even get a chance to enjoy it.

I do my fair share of online shopping so I knew that this was always a possibility. My advice to all of you is to be very careful online and only purchase items from well known internet vendors. This will not totally protect you, but it is a good place to start.

Recognizing and Dealing with Depression (Part 2)

2007-05-10T22:37:00.000-05:00

This is the second of a two-part series on depression. In this blog, I will describe how depression is treated and prevented. If you or someone close to you suffers from depression, it is important to educate yourself about it and seek treatment from qualified mental health professionals.

There are three basic ways to treat depression: psychotherapy, self-help, and medication. Many people respond best to a combination of two or more methods.

1. Psychotherapy: Exploring one’s beliefs and ways of thinking, and learning new ways of
thinking and behaving, with the guidance of a professional.
2. Self-help: Exploring one’s beliefs and ways of thinking on one’s own.
3. Medication: Altering one’s brain chemistry by taking antidepressant medication.

There are four types of antidepressant medication available today:

• Tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs)
• Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs)
• Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)
• Structurally unrelated compounds

The TCAs and MAOIs have been used for decades. The SSRIs (such as Prozac) and structurally unrelated compounds are newer and are being prescribed more and more frequently. They have fewer and less pronounced side effects than the TCAs and MAOIs.

Treatment without Medicine

One of the leading methods for treating depression is cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapists help depressed clients feel better by identifying how faulty ways of thinking are making him or her feel bad. The client analyzes his or her thoughts and beliefs, and learns to substitute more healthy ways of thinking and believing.
Many mental health professionals believe that the ideal treatment of clinical depression is medication in conjunction with psychotherapy.

Prevention of Depression

Depression can often be prevented. It is especially important to take preventive action if you are aware that you have predisposing factors such as those mentioned in the last blog.

1. Identify your risk factors and be aware of where you are vulnerable. Each of us has unique
risk factors, such as things we were taught in our families of origin, values we have learned,
and the presence or absence of a family history of depression. Anything that has been
learned can be unlearned and replaced with something healthier.
2. Learn to manage stress. You can learn proven techniques for calming and relaxing
yourself. Consider taking a stress management class or buying a set of relaxation tapes.
3. Learn problem-solving skills. Many people who develop depression never learned
problem-solving skills. They need to develop the ability to see problems from many
viewpoints and to look for a variety of solutions.
4. Learn self-acceptance. Instead of rejecting the parts of yourself you don’t like, learn to
manage them more productively.
5. Become aware of selective perception. Observe how you generate ideas and opinions
about people and events. Remember that these are just your views, not necessarily
objective facts.
6. Focus on the future, not the past. Depressed people tend to be focused on the past. People
who set goals and focus on the future tend to be more positive about life.
7. Develop a sense of purpose. Many depressed people lack a sense of purpose or meaning.
This means they have no goals and nothing in the future drawing them forward. To prevent
depression, develop your sense of purpose and meaning.
8. Strengthen your emotional boundaries and set limits. Boundaries define your role in a
social situation. They determine how you will or won’t behave in a given situation. Having
clear, strong boundaries is empowering, while boundary violations make you feel victimized
and helpless. Setting limits means having and enforcing rules for the behaviors you expect
in a relationship.
9. Build positive and healthy relationships. Think about what you need from others in
relationships. Learn to read people and trust your instincts about which people are good for
you.
10. Avoid isolation. Talk to others about what’s going on with you. If you keep your thoughts to
yourself, you may be unaware that your thoughts are distorted. If you share them with
another person, you can become more objective. There is power in numbers.

Signs That Professional Therapy Is Needed

1. Thinking about death or suicide. This is always dangerous and you should see a
professional therapist immediately.
2. When symptoms of depression continue for a long time, you may need professional help.
Acute responses to events are normal, but they should not last beyond a reasonable time.
3. Your ability to function is impaired by your depression. Seek help before your life situation
deteriorates to a serious level.
4. You have become so isolated that you have no one with whom to test reality. Seek
someone out to share your thoughts and feelings with.
5. Depressive symptoms have become severe.

I hope these thoughts give you a starting point to become well and healthy. God bless.

Recognizing and Dealing with Depression (Part 1)

2007-05-08T03:45:00.000-05:00

This is the first of a two-part series on depression. In this issue, I will explore what depression is and what causes it. In the next issue, I will describe how depression is treated and prevented. If you or someone close to you suffers from depression, it is important to educate yourself about it and seek treatment from qualified mental health professionals.

Depression is a serious illness, not a harmless part of life. It is a complex disorder with a variety of causes. It is never caused by just one thing. It may be the result of a mix of factors, including genetic, chemical, physical, and sociological. It is also influenced by behavior patterns learned in the family and by cognitive distortions.

Depression affects millions of people in this country. It is always troubling, and for some people it can be disabling. Depression is more than just sadness or “the blues.” It can have an impact on nearly every aspect of a person’s life. People who suffer from depression may experience despair and worthlessness, and this can have an enormous impact on both personal and professional relationships. In this newsletter, I will describe many of the factors that may cause depression, and I will explore strategies for preventing it.

Depression Is Pervasive

When a person suffers from depression, it can affect every part of his or her life, including one’s physical body, one’s behavior, thought processes, mood, ability to relate to others, and general lifestyle.

Symptoms of Depression

People who are diagnosed with clinical depression have a combination of symptoms from the following list:

• Feelings of hopelessness, even when there is reason to be hopeful
• Fatigue or low energy
• Much less interest or pleasure in most regular activities
• Low self-esteem
• Feeling worthless
• Excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Lessened ability to think or concentrate
• Indecisiveness
• Thinking distorted thoughts; having an unrealistic view of life
• Weight loss or gain without dieting
• Change in appetite
• Change in sleeping patterns
• Recurrent thoughts of death
• Suicidal thoughts
• A specific plan for committing suicide
• A suicide attempt
• Feelings of restlessness or being slowed down

When a person is suffering from depression, these symptoms cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. This means that the person’s family and social relationships, as well as work life, are impaired.
When a person is suffering from depression, symptoms such as these are not the result of a chronic psychotic disorder, substance abuse, general medical condition, or bereavement.

Grief, Sadness, and Depression

Depression may include feelings of sadness, but it is not the same as sadness. Depression lasts much longer than sadness. While depression involves a loss of self-esteem, grief, disappointment and sadness do not. People who are depressed function less productively. People who are sad or disappointed continue to function.

Depression and Socioeconomic Factors

Depression does not seem to be related to ethnicity, education, income, or marital status. It strikes slightly more women than men. Some researchers believe that depression strikes more often in women who have a history of emotional and sexual abuse, economic deprivation, or are dependent on others. There seems to be a genetic link; depression is more common among parents, children, and siblings of people who are diagnosed with depression. The average age at the onset of a depressive episode is the mid-20s. People born more recently are being diagnosed at a younger age.

Physical Causes

Many physicians believe that depression results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. They often prescribe antidepressant medication, and many people find relief as a result. However, there is no reliable test to identify such a chemical imbalance. It is unknown whether life experiences cause mood changes, which create changes in brain chemistry, or whether it works in reverse.

Depression may be associated with physical events such as other diseases, physical trauma, and hormonal changes. A person who is depressed should always have a physical examination as part of the assessment process to determine the role of physical causes.

Signs That Professional Treatment Is Needed

If you or someone you know is depressed and exhibits any of the following signs, it is extremely important to seek the assistance of a medical or mental health professional.

1. Thinking about death or suicide. This is always dangerous and you should see a
professional therapist immediately.
2. When symptoms of depression continue for a long time, you may need professional help.
Acute responses to events are normal, but they should not last beyond a reasonable time.
3. Your ability to function is impaired by your depression. Seek help before your life situation
deteriorates to a serious level.
4. You have become so isolated that you have no one with whom to check reality. Seek out
someone to share your thoughts and feelings with.
5. Depressive symptoms have become severe.

In my next blog, I will discuss the treatment and prevention of depression.

On The Other Side of the Tracks

2007-05-06T17:41:00.000-05:00

What would you do if you woke up one day to the following situation? You do not have your identification, car, job, or cell phone. The only thing you have on you is $3. You need to get into a court ordered detox program because of your alcoholism and fourth DUI. You have two kids at home who need someone to watch them while you are gone for treatment. You only have a few hours to get this process started and you must still eat today.

I am currently a member of the 2007 Leadership Lebanon Valley Class. This is a group of about 36 individuals throughout the Lebanon Valley. We are a mixture of business and community members who are learning how to become better leaders. We meet once monthly to discuss the happenings of our community and to learn how we can take a leadership role in seeing them improve. The above paragraph is the situation that I faced a few weeks ago.

It was a comfort to know that I only had to endure that situation for four hours. It was not comfortable having to ask for help from others. My pride kept me from this on several occassions. This experiment helped me to see the plight of the some 43 million working poor in our country. Sometimes it is easier to call someone lazy or unmotivated rather than try to see life from their point of view. I hope we can all take the time to consider those in our community who are struggling and do something about it.

Spiritual Binky

2007-05-04T11:29:00.000-05:00

Emily is now two weeks old and has been blessed with the spiritual gift of crying. She lets us know that she needs attention or is not happy through a series of ear piercing howls. Mikayla does not know how to handle the crying. Anytime Emily is throwing a fit Mikayla quickly runs throughout the house to find Emily's binky. Mikayla prides herself in being able to pacify Emily because then she will not be bothered by the crying.

It is amazing that at such a young age she has learned that the quickest way to get rid of a problem is to pacify the one making the most noise. It is no wonder that when we "grow up" and find a church family that the same principle is used. How many times has your church leadership made a bad decision because they did not want to listen to the complaints or grievances of just a few people. They make a hasty decision that affects the entire congregation negatively because they were not willing to have people upset with them even when their complaints were not justified.

The church and the world continue to be a scary place because leaders are too quick to make changes because they don't want anyone upset with them. I believe someone famous once said that we cannot please everyone all the time. My life would be a total mess if God always gave me what I want when I wanted it because I complained long and loud enough. Should the leadership in the church treat people any different than how God treats us?

Discipline of God

2007-04-29T12:07:00.000-05:00

I come from a family full of military people. My father and younger brother are Marines. My older brother is in the Army. Each of them has stories about boot camp that they love to tell. These stories describe hardship and pain that they volunteered for. This borders on masochism in my eyes but each of them felt that they matured because of their experiences. I have often wondered why they went through all that pain. Why did they march several miles a day regardless of the weather? Why would they practice the same drills over and over again? Why would they allow themselves to yield to a grueling schedule that they did not come up with? There must have been some motivation. My father informed me that everything was done so that they would be prepared. You have to be trained in order to be a soldier. You cannot expect to go into battle and automatically know what to do unless you have first disciplined yourself to react in a certain way. Every drill, routine, or exercise, regardless of its difficulty, is used to discipline the recruit. The recruit does not have the right to complain about the discipline because it is necessary if he plans on being a soldier. The process of discipline is vital to the military if it wants to be successful in the combat that it engages.

The Bible discusses the topic of spiritual warfare on several occasions. Ephesians 6:12 is a reminder that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” This means that Christians are at war! Just like the military there is a need for preparation and discipline if we want to survive this conflict. Proverb 3:11 states that we should not “reject the Lord's discipline.” This discipline will result in our spiritual lives being more like Christ. Hebrews 12:1-13 shows the effect this has on spiritual formation.

“...Throw off everything that hinders…”
Athletes usually train with many weights on their body in order to become stronger. On the day of the game the weights are removed so that the athlete can perform at their best. If we want spiritual formation to take place then we must examine our lives and see what is holding us back from serving God. We are given some difficulties to go through in life to strengthen us. Many people fail under pressure because they have areas of their life that are hindering them. Career, family, homes, money, attitudes and many other things can keep one from progressing spiritually because of an unwillingness to get rid of the dead weight. It will be impossible to keep up with where God is leading you if some serious self evaluation is not completed.

“…Run with perseverance…”
If you want to run in a marathon you cannot stop after 15 miles and expect success. The runner must be motivated to endure even when their body does not want to go any further. This type of drive will benefit the runner every time. Spiritual formation cannot be attained by giving up easily. The disciplines have to be approached with the mindset of long term grown. I cannot pray for wisdom tonight and wake up the next day expecting it to be there. We must cultivate a faith is “steadfast and immovable” (1 Cor. 15:58). When this is accomplished then giving up because the discipline is hard will never be an option.

God is able to make this requirement of us because He is faithful and full of perseverance. Countless times in the Bible He redeems His people and did not give up on them. This model set by God must be responded to it with the same vigor in which it was given.

“…Consider Him…”
There can be a temptation to feel that the discipline commanded by God is too difficult. It can be easy to complain when we do not feel like going through with what He has asked of us. The comfort given is to remember that Christ died for our sake. Christ took following the will of His Father so serious that He gave up His life for it. Because of His dedication I cannot look at my discomfort and think that it is unbearable. The discipline that I personally go through can never be compared to what happened on the Cross. It is because of this “consideration” that we have the hope that things can and will get better because Christ has already traveled this path ahead of us.

“…it produces a harvest of righteousness… for those who have been trained by it..”
The discipline we receive from God has a purpose. It is God’s intention that we receive the blessing of righteousness if we have received the proper training. It is through this training that God shows us how we are to respond to this world. If I am successful in being discipline by God then I will not have to worry about anything. I will live an existence of peace because I will be ready for anything that comes my way. This is the exciting adventure of spiritual formation that God has called all His believers to partake in.

So how will you respond to God’s discipline? Will you continue to carry extra weight around or discard your extra baggage? Will you give up when things get hard or persevere till the end? Will you consider what Jesus has already done sacrificially or think about your rough experience? Will you produce a harvest of righteous that leads to peace or continue to worry because that is what you are accustomed to? Your answers to these questions will determine the outcome of your spiritual formation.

Weird Email

2007-04-23T14:51:00.000-05:00

Some people make blogging really easy for me. Being a minister I get emails all the time from people with religious backgrounds wanting my opinion on things. I usually don't have a problem answering the questions, but sometimes the conversation can get a bit weird. Below is an email that I received today. I really do not know what to think of it so you can read it for yourself. I have purposely removed their name and link to their website.

Title: The Harlot of Revelation 17-18

Over the years you have been serving the Lord faithfully. An everlasting paradise beyond the exosphere awaits all of you. Do not let the "great whore" rob you of immortality in the
Kingdom of God. The bitch-witch, who is that last great enemy of God; the she-beast, Who is the bride of the Beast of Revelation, will pollute the world with immorality. She will disperse her "abominations" to all the nations. The idolatrous woman will extol her religions of
consumerism and materialism. Among her limitless arsenal of weapons, she will utilize pornography, casino gambling, careerism, frenzied consumerism, new age religions, and easy credit to lure humans onto the path that leads to eternal damnation. Do not permit
secular bureaucrats and powerful CEOs of the corporate world force the doctrines of the Lord's church to conform to the dominant, ungodly ideology of the filthy prostitute. God expects you to be soldiers, not conformists.

He will not overlook your attempts, regardless of whether it's intentional or not, to mislead your sheep as to the identity of the end-time whore. Do not let all those years of hard work go to waste. You must do your part in preventing others from "sharing in her plagues".
You know about the false doctrines that the wicked woman preaches in her media and within the confines of her cultural institutions. Therefore, you know what to preach against. The spirit of "Mystery Babylon" is present in virtually every nation (“She sits on many waters),
particularly in America, Japan, and Germany. These three nations hold the most seats in the WTO, IMF, and World Bank. These three global financial institutions play an integral role in the integration of the world economy. Revelation 18 "for thy merchants (business people; not her
priests, ministers, or pastors) were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived". Her merchants will come mainly from the three aforementioned nations.

Mystery Babylon cannot be a Church or one of the monotheistic religions. It is a global economic superpower (Revelation 18:9-24). Please try to overcome any bias or prejudice you may have toward other denominations or major traditional religions. Help put an end to the cut-throat
capitalist competition that has penetrated many churches. It is abomination unto the Lord. God will deal deadly blows to Japan in the form of tsunamis and earthquakes. China’s army will finish her off. For it was God who formed the mushroom clouds in Hiroshima and Nagasaki as punishment for the atrocities committed in China by the killer dwarfs.

Mad House

2007-04-21T13:37:00.000-05:00

It has been a hectic week here at the Jones house. With Emily coming a couple of days early we had to adjust our schedules quite a bit. Dana and Emily came home safely yesterday. Both are doing well and in good spirits.

As of yesterday there were 10 people in our house. There are the Cleona Jones family (Dana, Mikayla, Michael, and Emily), the Henderson Jones Family (Robert and Thelma), and Dana's mom, younger sister, niece, and nephew. We have all claimed our space in our three bedroom, one bath townhouse. It has not been pretty.

We feel very fortunate to have the support of our friends, family, and church family. Everyone has been so helpful in this major transistion. We continue to ask for your prayers and support.

Below are some random pictures from the past few days. I hope you enjoy them.

How Do I Live Without You?

2007-04-19T07:05:00.000-05:00

Do they know the talent that they just voted off? He was to music what David Haselhoff is to the field of psychiatry. I am very sad and will go into mourning over this.

And Baby Makes Four

2007-04-18T10:20:00.000-05:00

Baby Emily is here. She weighs 8 lbs 6 oz. 19 ½ inches long and tons of black hair. She was born at 9:47 a.m. Please continue to pray for us. More pictures will come soon.

Mike

A Grandparents' Love

2007-04-16T06:39:00.000-05:00

My parents will be flying here on Thursday for the birth of Emily. It has been five months since Dana and Mikayla have seen them. Mikayla misses them very much because we used to only live about 1 1/2 hours from them for the past 2 years. The 1000 mile trek to TN is not one we are able to do very often. She tells us frequently that she wants to go back to Memphis.

Yesterday my parents sent Mikayla a letter that I just had to share with you:

Dear Mikayla,
I thought I would write you a letter and tell you how much Grandpa and Grandma loves you. We can't wait to see you. I also wanted to give you some advice because you will be a "Big Sister" in a few days and I know you have never been a "Big Sister" before but I have and wanted to give you some pointers.

1) Big Sisters are special because they are full of love and they share that love with the baby Emily.

2) Big Sisters are very smart because they know that mommy and daddy will always love them and they are so full of love that everybody can share and snuggle and always be loved.

3) This is the Big one - When Emily starts to talk she will tell everybody "This is Mikayla and she is my Big Sister. I love Mikayla because she loves me and she helps to take care of me when I was a baby." That's what Big Sisters do they take care of their little sisters.

Being a big sister is a big responsibility but Grandpa and Grandma know you will be great.

Love,

Grandma and Grandpa Jones

Tough Critic

2007-04-12T20:51:00.000-05:00

I asked Mikayla if I was the best preacher she ever heard. The video is a copy of her response.

I Can't Take It No Mo'

2007-04-11T14:39:00.000-05:00

I will undoubtedly receive some flack for this entry, but so goes life. I have purposely not written about the Richland Hills Church of Christ and their decision to use musical instruments in worship because too many other people are spending WAY too much time doing it for me.

In an attempt to "educate" people about the evils of instrumental music and Rick Atchley many people have written books, blogs, pamphlets, and other material in the defense of God. I am not sure why things have come to this. Each argument boils down to either "lack of command, example, and necessary inference" or "speak where the Bible speaks and be silent where the Bible is silent". The problem with the later defense is that some are being extremely verbal on a topic in which the Bible is silent. I am sure some wonder what my view on instrumental music is and I will answer it this way "My view doesn't make a difference!"

I do not understand why so many people feel it is their job to police what other congregations are doing under their own eldership. The idea of being autonomous and independent loses something when we feel we have the right to publicly scrutinize what another congregation is doing because it is different from what we practice or are comfortable with. Should we clap? Should we say 'Amen'? Should we raise hands? Should we use one cup or many? Should we all use the KJV? Should we all have the name 'Church of Christ' in the name of our building? Should we all be separated racially in congregations? Should a woman pass the collection plate?

Why does what we do during one hour on Sunday define if we are "evil" or a "wolf in sheep's clothing" the rest of the week?

It is my prayer that we will spend more time reaching out to the lost, taking care of the poor, doing Bible studies, and living right before God before we take the time to point fingers at others.

A Theology of Fatherhood

2007-04-03T15:03:00.000-05:00

I am not one to brag, but I do believe I have the most beautiful daughter in the world! Mikayla will be turning three on April 19th. Emily is due April 20th so we decided to have her birthday party a few weeks early to coincide with Dana's birthday. She received her first bicycle and many other things worthy of a princess. It was neat to see her open her gifts. We have been very careful not to "overly" spoil her because we want her to appreciate the gifts she is given. She always is appreciative and lets us know that it is special to her.

Mikayla is growing up so fast. It is hard to believe that she is almost three already. I can truly say that she has been an easy child for us to raise. God definitely knew what He was doing when He sent us Mikayla. She is a talker, strong willed (stubborn) like her daddy, gentle like her mother, and has several other positive traits that are uniquely hers. She is in a good mood most of the time and has a laugh that is out of this world.

There is something truly spiritual about being a parent. Mikayla makes me feel like a million dollars when I come home. She comes running to the door screaming "Daddy I missed you!" She acts if I have been gone forever, but I am sure from her point of view it seems like an eternity. I am sure this is what we will all be like in Heaven one day. We will be excited to see our Father who loves us so much. It will seem like our Father has been gone forever, but the reality is that He was always there.

Do yourself a favor today and hug your children. Tell them that you love them. Play with them till you get tired and then do it some more. Let them know that they are important. Our heavenly Father does this for us, don't our earthly children deserve the same?

Sanjaya Fever

2007-03-28T11:54:00.000-05:00

I have Sanjaya Fever. I can't keep it to myself.

How to Stop Procrastination

2007-03-26T16:42:00.000-05:00

This is the second of a series of two blogs that explore the dynamics of procrastination. In a previous blog, you learned what procrastination is and why people do it. In this blog, you will learn how to change your procrastination behaviors and enable yourself to be more productive.

You will have the greatest success if you read the first blog and take some time to observe your own procrastination patterns. Once you have accomplished that, choose a few of the strategies outlined here. Keep working at it until you understand what you need to do to stop putting things off.

Set Specific Goals

The most effective goals are specific, measurable, and achievable. An example of a good goal is, “I will buy paint on Friday and paint the living room on Saturday.” This is better than saying, “I am going to get the house ready to sell.”

Set Priorities

Write down all the things that you need to do, and place them in order of importance. The most important tasks belong at the top of your list and the distractions go at the bottom. Start at the top of your list and work your way down.

Organize Your Work

Set up a system for yourself. Prepare a daily schedule and keep it within view during your working time. List the tasks for each day. Check things off as you complete them. When you are working on a project, lay out all of the needed supplies or materials before you begin.

Divide and Conquer

Sometimes a project is overwhelming if you think about all of the work that is involved. Do yourself a favor: Break the activity down into smaller steps and set progress goals for each of the steps. This is especially helpful when you are beginning a writing project, studying for a degree, or building a new set of skills.
For example, if you need to write a report, make an outline before you start writing. If you have to clean your house, make your goal to do the first two rooms by 10:00, two more by noon, and two more by 2:00. Check tasks off your outline as you complete them.

Make It a Game

Turn the temptation to avoid working into a challenge. Use your imagination. For example, if you need to study the first five chapters of your history book, pretend that you are a substitute teacher and will need to lecture on the material tomorrow. Take notes and organize the information into an outline that you could speak from. Sometimes changing the frame around a situation makes it more interesting and less of a chore.

Schedule a Small Amount of Time

Tell yourself that you will only spend ten minutes on the task right now, just to get your feet wet. Work on the task for the ten minutes and then choose whether to continue for ten more minutes. Continue doing this until you decide to stop, or when you are finished with the task. If you stop working on the task before it is finished, spend a few more minutes to plan a strategy for the next steps.

When you are tempted to substitute a fun but unimportant activity (such as reading a magazine or watching the weather channel) for an important project (such as finishing pages of your report), make the substitute activity your reward for doing the important task. Do the high-priority job first and reward yourself with the fun activity.

Ward Off Self-Defeating Thoughts

Telling yourself that you are going to do a poor job or even fail can seriously undermine your ability to function. It is important to realize that your negative statements are not facts. Keep your focus on the present moment and the positive steps you can take toward accomplishing your goals. If these thoughts are based on a need for perfection or low self-esteem, you may want to work on these issues.

Make a Commitment

Make a verbal and written commitment to completing the task or project. Write a contract and sign it. Tell someone about your plans and ask them to follow up with you.
One trainer wanted to create a how-to workbook and market it to other training professionals. After weeks of procrastination, she decided to motivate herself by creating a deadline. She wrote an ad for the workbook and placed it in the professional publication that she knew her colleagues would be reading. When her telephone began to ring with orders for the workbook, she suddenly became very focused.

Remind Yourself

Write notes to yourself and post them in conspicuous places. Leave them where you will see them—on places like the outside of your briefcase, the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, television, your front door, and the dashboard of your car. The more often you remind yourself of what you plan to accomplish, the more likely it is that you will follow through with action.

Reward Yourself

Reinforcement is a very effective way to motivate yourself. When you complete even the most minor task, be sure to acknowledge what you have done. This is especially important in the beginning when you are struggling with procrastination behaviors. After you have mastered these issues and have regained your peak productivity, don’t forget to celebrate the completion of the big projects. You worked hard for it and shouldn’t take it for granted.

Use this information to develop your personal program for accomplishing the things that are most important to you.

Marks of Maturity

2007-03-25T15:32:00.000-05:00

Getting older and being mature are markedly different activities. There is a belief that maturity comes with age, but this is not always the case. In view of the church, the assumption is that if you are older then you must be spiritually mature. This sounds good in theory, but in reality it would mean that I would not be a mature servant of God until I got old. This also carries the thought that if you are young then spiritual maturity is not something that can be grasped. In Galatians 5:22-23 Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit are character qualities that God possesses and that the Holy Spirit imparts to us as we live in trusting obedience to Jesus Christ. It is in this manner that someone can begin the process of maturity in their spiritual lives. Paul mentions love, joy, and peace as three maturity markers in spiritual formation. These three markers describe how the believer is to relate to God and others.

Love

Tina Turner once asked the question “What’s love got to do with it?” I believe Jesus would say “Everything!” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says that without love we are “nothing.” I can be the most talented, Spirit filled, Scripture reading, Bible toting, cross wearing believer, but if I do not love as Jesus commands then all of those activities really do not mean a thing. There really is no other way of explaining this passage. Those who are mature in the faith are able to love others regardless of race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, or any other differences. How do you deal with someone who stole from you? How do you talk to someone you know will twist your words and try to use them against you? How do you pray for your enemies? The answer can only be found in love.

The next natural question is “What is the source of this love?” Romans 5:8 states that “while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” God loved us so much that He cancelled our sin debt because we could never pay for it ourselves. Since He is the source of everything that points to love then the natural reaction must be to freely give love as it has been given to us.

Joy

Joy is a deep sense of well-being that is not dependent upon favorable circumstances, but rooted in a fundamental acceptance of, and confidence in, the will of God. Joy does not come by pursuing joy. Joy comes as a result of pursuing God and the good of others. A spiritually mature person has the ability to experience joy regardless of the situation they are currently facing. You can be on the verge of losing your job and experience joy. You can find out that you have terminal cancer and experience joy. You can be the poorest person in the entire world and experience joy. James 1:2 is a reminder that we are to "count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” This statement can be only be lived out when one understands that God is in control of all things and because of this confidence they allow God to control their life instead of their situation controlling it.

Peace

Peace is the absence of anxiety and the presence of trusting assurance in the promises of God. If we have peace then we realize that the same God who created life in us can be trusted with the details of our life. Matthew 6:25 states “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.” This means that worrying about the future hampers our efforts for today. It is impossible to gain peace when your mind is focused on worry. Worrying is more harmful than helpful because it keeps the mind focused on problems instead of praise. Those mature in the faith realize that God does not ignore those who depend on Him. He is a faithful and just Father who only wants what is best for His children. This understanding of God should wipe away any doubt or worry that we have about Him.

Spiritual maturity is more than just a great goal in life; it is required by God (Hebrews 5:12-14). As we become more mature we become better equipped to face this world that is plagued by sin. Many people want to grow spiritually and be mature, but it will not happen by itself. This process will happen only through the work of the Holy Spirit and the individual’s dedication toward following the will of God. This process is an excellent journey that God is eagerly waiting for everyone to begin.